Brotherly Love

As the train rocked side to side I scrolled through what I had posted on Twitter earlier in the morning.

Delete.

Delete.

I’m a horrible person. Delete.

Yep, fair response, I am a “heartless bitch.” UniversalExport is correct as well with, “It’s pretty raw, my dear. It could fuck up a brother relationship and that’s not ones place.”

I got off the train and started walking towards my flat. What had I been thinking? Obviously I hadn’t been. I didn’t even realise Langdon and his brother Warren would be out when I agreed to meet up with Lad Boy the night before.

Twenty-Four Hours Earlier:

iPhone in hand, I watched the blue dot on google maps get closer to the destination. I finally found the pub where Lad Boy had said to meet him and when I got inside I rang him. From across the pub I could see him take his phone out of his pocket so I hung up and headed for his table.

‘Hello!’ He said, getting up to kiss me hello. ‘M-wah!’ He said loudly, then announced, ‘I’ve been drinking since two.’

‘Excellent.’ I said, completely sober.

I hadn’t noticed who was at the table, as their backs had been to me when I got inside. ‘Hello there!’ I said to Warren.

‘Hello, gorgeous!’ He said, standing up to kiss me hello.

Langdon took a sip of his drink and put two fingers up towards me. ‘Good to see you as well, Langdon.’ I said.

Lad Boy had slumped back into his chair and was holding onto my forearm. ‘What took you so long?’

‘Terrible traffic. The bus took ages.’

‘Ah.’ He said, nodding his head drunkenly.

‘Would you like a drink? … Do you need a drink?’

‘San Miguel TOPS. Get it TOPPED.’

‘Okay.’

‘You’re an angel.’ Lad Boy said, still clinging to my forearm.

‘What are you guys drinking?’ I asked Warren. Langdon had gotten up and headed to the toilet.

‘Cider.’

‘Classy.’ I said.

‘You know us.’ Warren said, winking.

‘I’ll be right back.’ I walked to the bar and ordered the drinks.

I saw Langdon come out of the toilets and yelled his name, hoping to get him to come help me carry the drinks. He didn’t hear me over the music and crowd and headed straight to the table. I took the drinks to the table in rounds, placing them in front of everyone. Langdon put a thumbs up towards me, Lad Boy got up and hugged me, and Warren said, ‘Thank you, beautiful.’ Warren had always been liberal with affectionate names towards me, so I thought nothing of it.  

Warren pulled out his phone and started showing me pictures from a holiday he had been on and Lad Boy and Langdon talked with each other. It was a pretty standard night in the pub aside from the fact that Lad Boy was completely rat-arsed. Another mate of Lad Boy’s showed up and he and Lad Boy went to the bar for more drinks.

A girl walked by and Warren laughed a bit. ‘Good lord, she has an enormous arse.’

I glanced around. It was fairly sizeable. Langdon looked at me. ‘Speaking of big arses, how are you ugly?’

I frowned. ‘Is calling me fat suppose to be ironic?’

‘I didn’t call you fat. I called you ugly.’

‘Am I wearing a mirror?’

‘Oh. My. GOD, will this –’ Warren said, pointing back and forth between Langdon and I, ‘ever end? Will you two just make up and get over it.’

I shrugged. ‘We’ve always been this way. I don’t think I’ve ever been nice to him actually. It’s just how we are.’ I turned to Langdon. ‘I do not have a big arse.’

‘She doesn’t.’ Warren agreed.

‘And general opinion would be that I am not ugly.’

‘That’s my opinion.’ Warren nodded as well.

‘Alright!’ Langdon said, looking at Warren. ‘Whose side are you on, mate?’

‘The pretty one’s.’

‘Standard.’ Langdon nodded.

‘Besides, you’ve slept with me. Numerous times. So I can’t be all that unattractive to you.’ I said, still arguing my point for no reason.

‘Alright, just calm down. It was a joke.’

‘Yeah, well it’s not funny.’ I looked around to where Lad Boy was standing at the bar. ‘I’m going to go check on the drunk one.’

I walked up to Lad Boy and he shouted loudly, ‘Alright?!’

I laughed. ‘I’m okay.’ He introduced me to his friend and we all talked for awhile before his friend headed back to the table. Lad Boy put his arm around me, which was probably more for his own stabilisation than it was for affection.

‘Your round.’ I said to Lad Boy.

‘I don’t have any more money on me. You buy it.’

‘I bought the last one.’

‘But I have no money.’ He said, looking at me sadly.

‘Ohh. Look at that face.’ I said, pinching his cheeks.

He looked down at my chest. ‘How many bras tonight?’

‘Just the one.’ I said.

‘Really?! They look bigger.’ He poked me in the chest. ‘That’s so much padding! Might as well be two bras.’

‘It’s not that much padding, it’s just how the bra is made!’

‘Is that seriously only one?’ He asked, sticking his hand down my shirt.

I grabbed his hand and pulled it out of my shirt where it was fumbling with my bra. ‘Okayyyy. In public. Not at home. Can’t do that.’

‘Aww.’ He said. He quickly put his hand down my shirt again and his hand slipped into my bra.

‘Hey!’ I said. ‘Ow! You totally just touched my boob.’

‘I know. It was awesome.’

‘Well if you get to touch mine I get to touch yours.’ I said and quickly pinched him on the nipple.

‘Ow!’

‘Payback is a bitch.’

‘You’re a bitch.’

‘I know.’ I frowned and looked at him. ‘You’re a mean drunk.’

He blinked lazily and slowly lifted two fingers and put them right in front of my face. I laughed. ‘Buy me a drink.’ He demanded.

Warren walked up. ‘What.’ He said, emphasising the word. ‘Are you two doing?’

‘Nothin.’ We said in unison, shrugging like two children who had just been caught doing something naughty.

‘Your round.’ I said to Warren.

‘It’s definitely Lad Boy’s round.’

‘No money, mate.’

‘I bought the last one.’ I said quickly.

‘What about Langdon? He hasn’t bought a round.’

Lad Boy shouted across the bar. ‘Langdon! YOUR ROUND!’

Langdon looked up, raised his eyebrows and just shook his head side to side while mouthing, ‘Nooo.’

‘Please.’ I said to Warren.

‘Yeah, pleeeeeaaaase.’ Lad Boy said, pouting.

‘Fine!’ He pulled out his wallet and handed it to me. ‘The pin is [xxxx]. I’m going for a slash.’

I held the wallet and looked at it suspiciously. ‘What do you think the chances are that he gave us the wrong pin in an attempt to trick me into buying the round?’

‘That is entirely likely.’ Lad Boy slurred.

‘Oh well.’ I ordered the drinks.

We watched the bartender pour the drinks and Lad Boy loudly announced. ‘She is fit.’

She looked largely unimpressed, but Lad Boy was oblivious to this, slightly swaying back and forth as he stood next to me. I frowned at him. ‘Make his a shandy.’ I said to her.

He turned his head to me. ‘Probably a good shout.’

‘What did you do last night?’

He exhaled loudly. ‘I was out until six this morning.’

‘You called me at eight this morning.’

He nodded. ‘I only got two hours of sleep.’

‘You’re crazy.’

‘YUP.’ He said loudly.

The girl at the bar told us the price and I handed her Warren’s card. He conveniently came back as she handed me the card machine. ‘Oh. Here you go.’ I said, handing it to Warren. I watched as he typed in the pin he had told me.

‘You told me the right pin?’

He shrugged and said matter-of-factly, ‘Of course. Is that weird?’

‘I don’t know, I guess it just means you trust me.’

‘What’s not to trust?’ He winked and handed me my drink.

The three of us went back to the table and I sat between Warren and Langdon. Langdon was talking to Lad Boy and I was talking to Lad Boy’s friend with Warren. I glanced over at Lad Boy and after a couple of minutes he had lost interest in Langdon and took a keen liking to the three ladies at the table next to us and started chatting them up.

‘Unbelievable.’ Langdon said. ‘Even in the state he’s in, he could probably pull any one of them because he’s so fucking good looking.’

‘He is quite pretty, I agree.’

‘Not as pretty as me though.’

‘Ehh.’ I said. ‘He’s actually much prettier than you.’

‘Whatever. I am amazing. At everything.’ I went to say something. ‘Everything.’

I shrugged. ‘I suppose you’re good a most things. You could probably make a better effort in bed.’ He raised his eyebrows and gave me a “yeah right” kind of look. I thought for a moment. ‘I’d give you a five. Out of ten.’

‘Whatever. You loved it.’

I put my hand out flat in the air and wavered it side to side. ‘Meh.’ I took a sip of my drink. ‘Why didn’t you text me back the other day?’

‘Oh yeah, um, because I have a life.’

‘Good one.’

‘I don’t like texting. That’s why I never answer them. So stop texting me, you fucking. Stalker.’

‘I really think you misunderstand the meaning of stalker. Texting you once in the past five weeks doesn’t exactly constitute stalking.’

‘Whatever. I need the toilet. And I need dinner.’ He said looking around. ‘Warren, should we head back to ours for dinner?’

Lad Boy looked over. ‘I’m hungry!’

‘In a bit, mate.’ Warren said. ‘We still have drinks.’

‘And conveniently it’s your round.’ I said.

‘I’m not buying a round.’ Langdon said.

‘Everyone else has.’

‘Well I want to leave.’

‘Other people are clearly still enjoying themselves, why don’t you just buy a round and get some crisps.’

‘Because I don’t want crisps, and it isn’t my round because I’m leaving.’ Langdon stood up and walked towards the toilet.

I sighed and looked over towards Warren. ‘Whatadick.’ I said as one word.

‘He can be, yes. Don’t pay attention to anything he says, he treats every girl like that.’

‘So I’m not special??’ I said, and mocked crying.

Warren laughed. ‘Have you ever read a book called The Game?’

‘Yes. A male friend gave it to me and told me to run if any guy started using those lines on me.’ Warren laughed again. ‘It’s obvious what Langdon is trying to do, but to be honest, him acting like this is why I stopped seeing him in the first place. I don’t have to put up with that shit.’

‘The book is actually quite interesting. I mean, for example look at Lad Boy. The girl he’s talking to is clearly uncomfortable. The blonde girl across the table is leaning forward and listening to everything he’s saying, she’s clearly interested in him, but he keeps trying it on with this girl who has her arms crossed and is leaning away. Oh and now the third girl has come back and …’ we paused to watch as she introduced herself to Lad Boy and then introduced her friend to him. ‘See? These two he’s in between probably have boyfriends and are trying to set up the blonde one. She introduced herself then immediately introduced her friend, so she’s trying to get Lad Boy to talk to the blonde one.’

‘Interesting. So you don’t think the one who introduced herself first likes Lad Boy?’

‘Nah. Probably has a boyfriend.’

The blonde pulled out a pack of cigarettes and Lad Boy asked if he could borrow one. She smiled and handed him one. He held it up to the girl he was talking to and asked if she smoked. She shook her head no and he shrugged, putting the cigarette in his mouth. He turned to Warren and I. ‘I’m going for a smoke.’ He said, the cigarette bouncing up and down in his mouth. ‘She doesn’t smoke.’ he said pointing at the girl he had been chatting up. ‘But. I. Do.’

I laughed. ‘No you don’t.’

‘I do right now.’ He said and stood up and walked out with the other two girls.

The girl he had been chatting to turned to us. ‘Sorry about him.’ I said. ‘He’s really drunk right now. He’s usually quite charming.’

‘Yeah.’ Warren agreed. ‘He’s a top lad, but just a bit out of it at the moment. He’s usually not like this.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this, actually.’

‘He’s a bit creepy.’ The girl said. ‘But very attractive. If he weren’t so creepy I’d definitely pull him.’

Warren and I glanced at each other. We continued to build Lad Boy up to this girl in the hopes that she’d see past the “creepy”. Personally I thought he was just being douchey – a rare side effect of alcohol on him. Lad Boy walked back in and surpassed the other table, coming to sit next to me. The girl’s friends joined her at the table and she went back to speaking with them.

‘You could probably pull her.’ Warren said.

‘Not interested.’ Lad Boy shrugged. ‘She’s distinctly average.’ He said, matter-of-factly.

I laughed. ‘You are unbelievable.’

‘She’s boring.’ He said.

‘Mate.’ Warren said, nodding.

I nodded as well. ‘The girl is a bore.’ She was. Lad Boy still had a pint left and Warren and I had just finished ours. ‘Tell your brother to get a round in.’ I said to Warren.

‘Oi!’ Warren yelled at Langdon. ‘Your round.’

‘Nah, mate.’ Langdon said. ‘We’re leaving. Besides, I still have half a pint.’

‘Fuck it.’ I said. ‘Do you want another drink?’ I asked Warren.

‘Yeah.’ He said.

‘My round then, you bought the last one.’

‘Cool, let’s go to the bar.’ He said, getting up.

‘What is your brother’s deal? Why is he being such a dick tonight?’

‘It isn’t just tonight, he is always this way. Haven’t you seen this yet?’

‘I suppose.’ I said. I thought about it for a moment and Warren was right, I couldn’t think of a time when I’ve been out with Langdon that he hasn’t been distinctly rude or horrible to me.

‘We need to get him a drink, by the way.’ Warren said.

‘Absolutely not.’ I said.

Warren frowned and gave a pleading face. ‘But he’s my brother, it’s my duty.’

‘No. We have both bought him drinks in the past two hours and he hasn’t bought one drink for either of us since. It’s just the principle of the matter. Like you said, he’s being a dick.’

‘Did I say that?’

‘No, I did, but you agreed.’

‘Did I?’

‘Probably, the point is that we are not getting him a drink because he’s being a dick.’

‘Okay.’ Warren said. ‘What if I give you the money to get him a drink?’

‘No. Not going to happen. He’s been saying he wants to go for the past thirty minutes anyway and he still has a drink.’

‘Fair points you make.’

‘Obviously.’

I got our drinks and Warren and I went back to Lad Boy. ‘I’m hungry.’ He said to us. ‘Let’s go.’

‘We just got drinks.’ I said

‘You guys go, we’ll get a taxi back after we finish this.’ Warren said.

‘Fine.’ Lad Boy said. Then turned to Langdon. ‘Mate, are we going back to yours?’

‘Yeah mate, let’s do one.’ Langdon looked at us. ‘Warren, are you coming?’

His intentional exclusion of me wasn’t unnoticed. Lad Boy pointed at me. ‘You’re coming.’ I held up my drink and Lad Boy gave an “ah, yes” nod then said, ‘You’re coming after that.’ Changing the object of his point from my face to my pint.

‘Maybe.’ I said.

‘You are. You can crash at mine.’

‘Are you even going to make it back to yours?’ I asked, doubtfully.

‘It’s doubtful. You can crash at theirs.’ He said pointing to Langdon and Warren.

‘Tempting.’ I said unconvincingly as I raised my eyebrows.

‘Right. We’re leaving.’ Langdon said. ‘See you fuckers back at home.’

‘Well this has been pleasant.’ I said sarcastically, turning to Warren once they left.

‘Are you still upset about the breakup?’

‘No, because there was no breakup. We were never dating. I was never serious about Langdon.’

Warren raised his eyebrows. ‘Really? I think you were.’

‘I wasn’t. If anything I think he was the one who took it more seriously.’

‘Probably not. But you definitely fell for him a bit.’

‘I can honestly say that that’s not the case. I told him from the beginning I didn’t want a relationship and then he was the one who would invite me around and then just want to watch telly and cuddle.’

‘He does that, though. He’ll try and make it seem like he’s this sensitive guy, but he really isn’t. It’s just part of the game.’

‘Well, it’s not part of my game. And as I told him all I really wanted was someone to sleep with consistently, cuddling and telly wasn’t part of the deal. I know it makes me sound slutty, but I was only using him for sex.’

Warren laughed and put his hand up. ‘Alright!’

I laughed and high-fived him. ‘But, seriously. I’m just too busy. I’ve got things to do. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do work-wise and I’ve just moved to London, so the last thing I wanted was all this change and then to immediately be in a relationship.’

‘I agree, I’m quite anti-relationship at the moment as well. Too busy with work.’

We sat and talked for another thirty minutes, as we finished our pints. Once we were done, Warren said, ‘One more for the road?’

‘Sure. I’m not really hungry, so not bothered about eating with the others.’

‘Agreed. Here’s my card, can you get the drinks while I go to the toilet?’

‘Sure thing.’

When I returned to the table a couple of minutes later I placed the pints down and sat next to Warren. ‘Ta.’ He said, taking a sip. He exhaled and said, ‘I need to get laid soon. I haven’t had sex in three weeks.’

‘I know. Try five.’

‘That’s a long time.’

‘Tell me about it.’

‘Well, there’s an easy solution to our problems.’

I laughed. ‘Yeah right.’

‘Five weeks you say?’

‘Yeah, and not for lack of trying – I was completely shot down by someone the other night … I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before.’ I said.

He laughed. ‘You’re so modest.’

‘I know that sounds bad, but really, I don’t think I’ve ever been blatantly rejected like that before.’

‘Well he sounds like an idiot. Anyone would be lucky to pull you. I wanted to kiss you the first time I saw you. And actually, I really want to kiss you right now.’ I laughed a bit. ‘Come here.’ He said, and before I knew what was happening, his hand was behind my neck and his lips were pressed to mine. He pulled away. ‘That’s better.’ He said.

I was caught completely off-guard, and as he started talking again I couldn’t think about anything except for what an amazing kisser he was. I cut him off from whatever it was he was saying. ‘I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’ve been saying. I kind of just want to kiss you again.’

He laughed and kissed me again. When he pulled away he said, ‘I really want to sleep with you.’

I frowned. ‘That could get way too complicated. What about Langdon?’

‘What about him?’

‘Well don’t you think it’s a bit awkward?’

‘Not really.’

‘Have you ever slept with someone he’s slept with?’

‘I’ve slept with tonnes of girls that he’s slept with.’

‘You’ve slept with tonnes of girls? Great line.’

‘No, not like that, but I mean, yeah I’ve slept with girls that Langdon has slept with, it isn’t a big deal.’

‘Tell me the truth, do you think he actually liked me and wanted anything more than sex.’

‘Honestly?’ Warren asked.

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

The amount of times that guys have lied to me about things just because they think they’re on the brink of getting to have sex with me is more than I can tell you. Everyone from the boy I lost my virginity to, to Dale, to Langdon, and probably to his brother. It ranges from the actual status of a relationship they have with someone else, the last time they were tested for STIs, to simple, stupid lies. I don’t know if Warren was lying at this point, but I do know that there are times when guys will lie through their teeth, and if ever there was a time for Warren to lie, it would have been then.

‘Hm.’ I said. ‘Well, we’d have to go to mine.’

‘Yours is miles away. It’s practically the opposite side of the city from where we are.’ I still hadn’t adjusted to London distances, whereas in Oxbridge “opposite side of the city” wasn’t a game-ender, in London “opposite side of the city” is more often than not no less than an hour commute. I was pretty sure we were only forty-five minutes from mine, but as we were about ten minutes from his, it was a valid argument. Warren could see the wheels turning in my head. ‘C’mon, come back to mine.’  

‘But you live with Langdon.’

‘So what?’

‘I just … don’t want to hurt his feelings.’

‘You really won’t.’ I thought about it some more as I sipped my drink. ‘It must be exhausting to be you.’ He said.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Do you always think this much about everything?’

‘I try not to, but more often than not I probably do think this much about everything.’

He took my hand. ‘It will be fine.’ He leaned forward and kissed me again.

‘You really think so?’

‘Yes.’ He said.

We alternated between talking, kissing and drinking for another hour before getting a taxi back to his. In the taxi, Warren started kissing me. I pulled away. ‘Wait, everyone is at yours. There’s no way this is going to happen. I can’t. It’s just, I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

‘It will be fine. Stop worrying.’ He kissed me again. I find kissing more addictive than chocolate. If I could just have a snog every day I’d be perfectly content. The problem is that it rarely stops at snogging.

We got to his and I got out as he paid the driver. He walked around the back of the cab as he pulled his cigarettes out and put one in his mouth. ‘Want one?’

‘No, thank you. I don’t smoke.’

‘Want to go inside? You look cold.’

‘Yeah, I’m a bit cold.’

‘Here, I’ll let you in.’ He opened the front door and as I walked by him he stopped me to kiss me again. ‘See you in a second.’

‘See you soon.’ I walked upstairs and at this point was still in my snogging-euphoria mode. I pushed the door open and walked into the sitting room.

‘Where the fuck have you been?’ Lad Boy screeched.

‘Drinkin. We stayed in the pub for another round.’

‘Standard.’ Lad Boy said.

I went over to sit with him on the couch and looked around. The party had grown significantly and Langdon was messing around with iTunes, putting on a playlist whilst everyone else was talking and drinking. ‘What are you drinking?’ I asked looking at the glass in Lad Boy’s hand. The question really should have been “why are you drinking?” but I ignored this, much like I ignored all other intuition that evening.

‘Vodka. Want some?’

I looked up and saw Warren walk in. Langdon got up to speak to him and Warren was making hand gestures to signify he was going to bed. Langdon turned to go back to whoever it was he had been talking to and Warren looked at me, winked, and then nodded towards his room. I frowned and he mouthed “come on” and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back, and watched as he walked away. I turned back to Lad Boy. ‘Oh, um. No, you’re alright.’

‘Want to try mine?’ He slurred.

‘Sure.’ I said, taking it from him and taking a big gulp, more to ensure Lad Boy didn’t drink too much more than anything else. ‘I’ll be right back, I need the toilet.’ I lied, getting up and walking through the party discretely and heading to Warren’s room. He was in bed, watching telly. I walked over to the edge of the bed and looked towards the screen. ‘What are you watching?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’ He said, sitting up and pulling me on top of him. We kissed for awhile, but as we had been snogging for about two hours in the pub and taxi, we were naked quickly and down to business.

I won’t lie, it was fun. The sex was amazing, and the element of secrecy probably added some excitement to the situation. Afterward he began kissing me again.

‘Mmm.’ I said, trying to talk with his lips pressed to mine. ‘I need to go back out there so it isn’t obvious what’s going on.’

‘To be fair, it’s probably quite obvious that we were just watching telly.’ He said, smiling.

‘Unlikely, but oh well.’ I said, dressing in the dark.

‘Come back soon.’ He said.

‘Okay.’ I said, kissing him quickly and walking out the door.

Everyone was still in the sitting room and when I came in there were some glances in my direction. ‘What have you been doing?’ Langdon asked.

‘Watching telly with Warren. The music is still quite loud from his room, I think he’s going to try and go to sleep.’

‘Don’t give a fuck.’ Langdon said.

‘Where have you been?’ Lad Boy yelled.

I smiled and walked over to him, sitting down next to him on the sofa. ‘Hey drunky.’ I said, ruffling his hair. He rested his head on my shoulder. ‘Whatcha drinking?’

‘Same.’ He said, holding the glass up.

I took the glass and had a sip. I choked a bit. ‘Whoa that’s strong.’

‘Mmhmm.’ He said. He shuffled his body around so that his head was resting on the side of the couch and we somehow managed to end up tangled like a pretzel, with him sleeping, my legs draped over the side of him, and his arm locked through mine.

As he started nodding off I took the glass from him that was bound to drop at any moment and reached for the mixers that were on the table. I added half a pint of juice to the drink and downed it before refilling with only juice. Everyone sat around talking, and eventually Langdon excused himself to go to bed. The party died out and I snuck back to Warren’s room. He was sleeping and as I was about to get into bed I remembered that I had to be somewhere early and needed to find my phone, which I had set an alarm on. I left the room again and rummaged around in the living room for my jacket, where my phone was lingering around in a pocket. I couldn’t find it anywhere. Both couches were being slept on and I tried to look around the people on them, but it was to no avail.

‘Shit.’ I whispered. Langdon’s room was closest, so I carefully pushed the door open and went to grab his phone to try and call mine. I saw it on the desk and after one step I tripped and barely avoided falling by grasping to the side of the desk.

Langdon woke up. ‘What are you doing?’ He asked.

‘I can’t find my phone, can I borrow yours?’

‘Yeah, yeah sure.’ He said, groggily sitting up and unplugging it.

‘Thanks. Sorry.’

He groaned and flopped back into bed. I went out into the living room and tried to listen for the phone but I couldn’t hear it anywhere. ‘Fuck.’ I whispered.

I went back into Langdon’s room to return his phone. ‘Why do you need your phone?’

‘I need to get up really early tomorrow.’

‘What time?’

‘Seven.’

‘I’ll set an alarm for you, just sleep in here.’

I froze. Shit. ‘Oh, no that’s okay.’ I whispered. ‘I’ll just go sleep on the couch.’

‘Don’t be stupid, just sleep in here.’ He said, fumbling with his phone. ‘There. Alarm set. And it’s going off at seven so if you’re not here to turn it off I’m going to be upset.’

Shit. ‘Um. Ok.’ Fuck. I slowly crawled onto his bed and pressed myself as far against the wall and away from him as possible. I stared at it, wondering how I had managed to end up in this situation. Karma truly is a bitch. I waited to hear Langdon fall back asleep so I could make my grand escape, but no such luck. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, he rolled over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me towards him. I was still wearing all of my clothes, but Langdon was stark bollock naked, so I sat up quickly and whispered something about the toilet and bolted out the door.

I went back into the living room, and Lad Boy had disappeared from one of the couches. I presumed he woke up and went home, as he didn’t live far, and saw my jacket lying flat under where he had been sleeping. I pulled my phone out and double-checked the alarm was set as I walked to the other side of the house towards Warren’s room. I got into his room and felt my way towards the bed in the darkness. There was enough moonlight to vaguely see, and I placed my hand down to the right of where Warren was sleeping only to immediately realise I had placed it on someone else’s leg. ‘What the fu–’ I began to whisper, before I saw Lad Boy stir a bit. You’ve got to be kidding me. Too tired to care, I went back to the left side of Warren, placed my phone on his bedside table and turned around to see him holding the duvet up for me to get in. I crawled in and Warren wrapped the duvet and his arm around me and we fell asleep.

A short while later my alarm started going off. I turned it off immediately, trying not to wake the others. They stirred a bit and Lad Boy coughed and stirred a bit. A moment later he said. ‘Warren?’

‘Uh?’ Warren groaned.

‘Are you naked?’

‘Yeah.’ Warren said, still half-asleep.

‘At least one of us is wearing clothes.’ I said.

Lad Boys sat up. ‘What the fuck?’

Warren was no longer wrapped around me, and was just an awkward naked barrier in between us. I got up and turned my alarm off. Lad Boy shrugged and collapsed back into the bed and Warren whispered, ‘Can you toss me those boxers? It’s a bit awkward being naked with just me and him in the bed.’ I laughed and threw the boxers at him. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I have to run an errand.’

‘On a Sunday?’

‘Yeah, someone’s coming round my place to install something in about an hour, it’s a family friend and this morning was the only time they could do, hence needing to rush back.’

‘Come back after for breakfast.’

‘Okay. See you soon.’ I leaned down and kissed him quietly as not to wake Lad Boy with a snogathon.

I crept across the house and into Langdon’s room, where his phone was lit up in his hand while he was lying there passed out. I tried to quietly get to the phone to turn off the alarm, but as I slid it out of his hand he woke up. ‘Hi.’ I whispered. He groaned. ‘Thanks for setting the alarm.’ He groggily patted me on the arm as I turned off the alarm, and once I had sorted his phone out I got up and left while he was still mostly asleep. I grabbed my jacket from the couch and got back to the hallway as Warren was coming out of his room.

We met in the middle of the hallway and he opened the door to the toilet and pulled me in, kissing me. ‘See you in a couple of hours, yeah?’

‘Sure.’ I said, and he kissed me again. I pushed the door open and left quietly.

It was still quite dark out and there were no taxis in sight. I walked to the next bus stop and hopped on the first one to come that was headed in the general direction of my side of the city. I rode the bus until it got somewhere central to get off and find a taxi. I eventually managed to take a taxi that someone was getting out of and started messing around on Twitter, as you do when you’re essentially still drunk.

Unsure of exactly how I felt, I did what I do in most stressful situations, I try and ease them with humour. I started writing as if I didn’t care that I had just slept with the brother of the last person I had slept with, but really my head was racing with all the different ways in which it could all come crashing down on me. I got home in time to meet the family friend doing me a favour and sat drinking tea and eating toast while I contemplated what I had done. Once the family friend had left I showered and got dressed. The thought of going back and just casually slipping back into Langdon and Warren’s house and going to breakfast held little appeal to me I realised.

I got out my phone and wrote a text.

Right, so about coming back for breakfast … the tube near me doesn’t work and I can’t be bothered to sit on a bus for over an hour. Dinner later? Xx

I knew Lad Boy wouldn’t get it because his phone had run out of battery, but at least I would have told someone I wasn’t coming back.

I went to my computer and wrote some more tweets. I made myself breakfast, and as I would’ve liked to think I was cool and casual enough to just go sit with the guy I had just slept with and his brother who was the last person I had slept with before that, I put on Twitter that I was at breakfast with everyone in an attempt to ease my own guilt.

I got my phone out again and wrote another text, this time to Rich and Paul.

What are you doing today? Pub lunch? Xx

Moments later I got a text back from Rich.

Yeah! Where should we go? xx

Paul wrote back as I was reading Rich’s text.

I’m down. Where should we go? x

I suggested we meet somewhere as far away from Warren and Langdon’s side of town as possible and went to hide there for the day. We had a lovely time sitting by the river, and I ended up telling them that I pulled Warren, to their great amusement. I largely downplayed the situation, saying that we had only snogged.

‘Well,’ Rich said, grabbing one of my chips and putting it in his mouth. ‘No one saw, right?’

‘Right.’ I said.

‘As long as no one finds out, it’s fine.’

‘Do you think this Warren guy will tell his brother?’ Paul asked.

‘I don’t know.’ I said, taking a bite of my Sunday roast.

‘His brother sounds a bit sketchy.’ Paul said.

Rich nodded, eating another one of my chips. ‘Why would you hook up with a bird your brother had shagged?’

‘Well, I mean, look at me.’ I said, pointing to my face. ‘Can’t blame the guy for trying.’

‘True.’ Rich said, taking another chip.

‘Oh, just take the whole plate. You know I’m not going to eat them.’

‘Score!’ Rich said, taking my side plate of chips.

‘Don’t feel bad.’ Paul said.

I still did, which is why I lied to them about the extent of the situation. I sighed heavily. ‘You need a drink.’ Rich said. ‘Same again?’

‘Sure, thanks.’

‘Paul?’

‘Yep. Ta.’

We finished our meals and Paul said, ‘Well I’ve got to go. Got a date.’ He beamed.

‘With who?’ I asked. ‘And why don’t we know about her?’

‘It’s still early days. But I want you guys to meet her.’

‘Wicked. When?’ Rich said.

‘Maybe next week?’

‘Sounds good.’ I said.

Paul took off and Rich and I wandered around until we found another pub overlooking water. ‘Want to go grab a table by that heating lamp and I’ll get the drinks in?’

‘Sure.’ I said. I sat down and looked across the water, exhaling deeply. What am I like? Before my mind could answer that, Rich came back with the drinks. ‘What’s this? Gin and tonic?’

‘Special gin and tonic.’

I took a sip. ‘That’s really good.’

‘Yeah it’s Hendricks.’

‘I love Hendricks.’

‘Shame they didn’t have any cucumber though.’

‘Mm.’ I agreed, nodding.

‘You look worried.’ He said, putting his drink down.

‘Well, I am a bit.’

‘Don’t be. Look, if anything it’s the brother’s fault, not yours.’

‘I think fault would be pretty mutual actually.’

‘I think you’re thinking too much.’

‘Probably.’ We changed the subject and soon were laughing uncontrollably about an inside joke. I’m not even sure what made it so funny, but at one point we had tears running down our faces and people glaring at us and our loud and raucous behaviour.

After our drinks we walked to the nearest station, just chatting about nothing in particular. It was a nice break from the stress of the guilt seeping out of me. He kissed me on the cheek goodbye at the station, as we were headed opposite directions and I sat on the train, going through emails and such. I had emailed Millie earlier in the day to tell her briefly what happened and she had written me back.

Hey, that is pretty bad. Sibling relationships can be awkward even without that kind of drama. To be honest I question Warren's motives - why would he sleep with someone his brother was recently involved with? That seems like a really crappy thing to do. Are you sure he's an upgrade on Langdon?

I also think you might have done something that causes some hurt to Langdon, especially as it could mess up his relationship with his brother. I don't know, maybe they'll both be cool with it (or maybe Langdon will never find out), but I suspect not. So although you don't feel too bad about it now, you might soon.

Needless to say my Saturday was much less eventful!

She was right. Although I didn’t like Langdon much, it didn’t mean that I wanted to hurt him.

I opened Twitter and began deleting my earlier tweets.

I eventually made it home after what seemed like the longest day of my life. I passed out and in the morning woke up with a horrible feeling in my stomach. Worse than any hangover, it was just that anxious, uneasy feeling of dread. My head felt fine, but I would have almost preferred a hangover to the consuming guilt I was starting to feel. It’s rare that I regret things, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had ever felt this bad about a decision.

I sat down and started writing out everything I could remember from the evening. A couple hours and a few thousand words later I got up and went for a walk. All I could think about was that I needed to talk to someone. I didn’t know who to tell. I couldn’t tell Lad Boy, he’s too close with Warren and Langdon. I suddenly realised exactly who it was I wanted to speak to. I went back to my place, away from the gusty outdoors of London and picked up the phone.

‘Hello?’ A voice said, almost confused on the other end.

‘Hello!’ I said to Rosie.

‘I never get phone calls. When my phone started ringing I was like, “what is it doing?”’

I laughed. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good, just writing an essay.’

‘I thought that stopped when we graduated.’

‘Yeah, well, I signed up for some course, nothing big. And when I say I’m “writing” the essay, I mean I’m doing anything I can to put off writing the essay.’

‘Oh good, so you have time to talk.’

‘For you? Always. What’s up? Are you alright my darling?’

I inhaled. ‘Well … remember Langdon?’

‘Yes.’

‘You’re not going to believe this, but I had the most ridiculous set of circumstances occur. Seriously, potentially one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. So the other night …’ I began telling her the story. Much to my surprise, her reaction was mostly amusement, and she even laughed at most of it. 

‘Oh, [my name here].’ She said, laughing.

‘I know.’ I said, sadly.

‘Don’t beat yourself up over this, as I think you’re hardly the bad guy here. What was Warren thinking? I mean unless this is something those two do often, passing around girls.’

‘Sounds great when you say it like that.’

She laughed. ‘You know what I mean. But, honestly, I thought you were calling to tell me you had finally slept with Lad Boy.’

‘No, and that’s not going to happen.’

‘Well, I thought it was either that or something much worse. When you started talking about his brother I thought maybe you had had a threesome or something, or that Langdon had filmed you two having sex and you had come into the sitting room to find everyone watching it.’

‘Good Lord, no! Though when you say those kinds of things I suppose it always could be worse. Could you imagine?! I’m pretty sure my taste in men is above those who film themselves having sex and then show it to their mates.’

‘Indeed. But really, you needn’t worry for now. For all you know it’s not the kind of thing they talk about together, or maybe they’ll have a laugh about it.’

‘Maybe they’ll want a threesome.’ I offered.

‘It is the logistical way forward.’ Rosie agreed.

‘I’ve never slept with brothers, and I’ve never had a threesome. Could be a two-for.’

‘There you go.’

‘I’m joking, that’s a terrible thing to say.’

‘Well I still think Warren is the odd one out here. Who does that? I mean, he’s the one who has gone after someone his brother was seeing, and you’re just you. These things happen to you. It’s not your fault people want to sleep with you.’

‘I didn’t have to say yes.’

‘You’re just an opportunist.’

I laughed into the phone. ‘That is certainly one way of looking at it.’

‘Look, I’m clearly biased towards you here, but Langdon was treating you like shit, and always has. Warren, with scant regard for his brother, took advantage of a situation, and you were just sort of … along for the ride.’

‘I like to think I have a more active role in my life, but that does sound slightly accurate.’

‘You and Langdon were not together, he clearly showed no remorse or emotion about treating you badly, so forget about him. And like you said, best case scenario, you get a threesome out of it.’ I laughed. ‘Remember, I live my sex life vicariously through you, so I say go for it.’

‘Of course you do.’ I sighed. ‘Well, thanks for cheering me up.’

‘Thanks for cheering ME up! That story was hilarious.’

I smiled. ‘When are you coming to visit me?’

‘Soon, I hope. Aren’t we going out with Kate next week?’

‘Oh, yes! Can’t wait.’

‘Should be fun.’

‘I’ll let you get back to your essay.’

‘Ugh.’

‘I miss you though.’

‘I miss you too, darling. Feel free to call anytime, especially with a story like that!’

I laughed. ‘Talk to you soon.’

‘Goodbye.’

I went back to my computer and kept typing the story. I had written Millie back that morning to say how awful I felt and an email popped up from her.

Hey, my previous email wasn't meant to make you feel bad... I just thought you perhaps hadn't realised that you might have hurt people. Getting involved with a sibling of an ex (even a dick-ish ex like Langdon) will always be complicated so it's probably best to do it with some thought... But as you said before, it's done now, I understand you feel bad, but you didn't intentionally set out to hurt anyone - and who knows, maybe no one will ever find out so no one will get hurt anyway.

I definitely agree that Warren’s behaviour was shady... he must know that Langdon would mind if he found out, that's why he's keeping it a secret. But if he knows that Langdon would mind, why did he do it??

I'd recommend staying away from both of them for a while...

Sound advice. My feelings on the matter fell in the middle of the spectrum between Millie and Rosie’s opinions. They were both valid, but I tended to be more like Millie and feel more empathetic towards Langdon, but more like Rosie when it came to how I felt about the situation as a whole.

It’s hard, when considering the three people involved, to know to what degree I should hold myself accountable.

The phone rang, it was Lad Boy. ‘Hey, I’m running late, but I’ll be there in twenty.’

‘No problem, I’ll put the oven on.’

‘Cheers, okay, byeee.’ It was his standard send off.

I pulled out the pizza I had bought for him to check what gas mark to set the oven at and turned the oven on. I started shutting down word and clearing internet history, as it was standard for Lad Boy to mess around and show me things on my computer. He also knows the password, so not worth the risk of him opening up my laptop to find this post or my gmail account for the blog.

The door buzzed and I went to let him in. ‘Hello.’ He kissed me and we hugged.

‘I’ll throw the pizza in the oven.’

‘Schweet.’ He said in a high pitched tone, taking his bike helmet off.

‘You were out of control on Saturday.’ I said.

‘I know!’ He said, laughing. ‘I honestly don’t remember you getting there.’

I re-enacted most of the night for him, much to his amusement. ‘Do you remember putting your hand down my shirt?’

‘No!’ He laughed. ‘Did I get boob?’

‘Oh yes. The whole thing.’

‘Yes!’

‘The best part is that we were standing at the bar, everyone in the room could see us. If anyone was watching they probably thought we were completely mental.’

He laughed harder. ‘Well, we kind of are.’

I continued to recall the night to him. ‘Oh, and then Langdon wouldn’t buy anyone drinks.’

‘He’s such a dick. I don’t understand how he’s like that. Warren is, like, the nicest guy ever, and just so much sweeter and more considerate.’

‘Mm.’ I nodded.

‘I went to breakfast the next day and Langdon was so hungover.’ Good. Maybe he won’t remember the few seconds of him trying it on and me bolting. ‘I mean, I was hungover, but I feel like I drank way more than he did.’

‘After you passed out I think he went through a significant amount of vodka.’

‘Ah, fair enough. OH!’ Lad Boy said looking directly at me. Shit. He knows. He knows. They know. Everyone knows. ‘And why were we sleeping in Warren’s bed?’

‘I don’t know! And why was he naked? So weird.’ I said, blagging it.

Lad Boy laughed. ‘Funny night.’

I exhaled deeply, relieved that he didn’t know. ‘Funny night indeed.’