On the train now, should be there in 15 xx
I stared at the text. I hadn’t decided whether or not I was excited about seeing The Boy. I hadn’t seen him in almost a year and that had been when he had apologised for the whole dumping me a week after I lost my virginity to him thing. We had subsequently slept with each other again, and it would undoubtedly happen this evening as well.
Putting shoes on, I left the house and headed for the station. As soon as I was outside it was raining and I pulled out my umbrella, which was always stashed somewhere at the bottom of any bag I carried around. English weather was about as reliable as English boys. And girls for that matter. As a country, we’re terribly fickle I feel. Or at least I am. If there was anyone as indecisive as me it was The Boy, so planning the evening together would nothing if interesting.
I walked slowly, deliberately stepping in each puddle. I’m not sure why. Habit, I suppose. I’m usually wearing my Hunters when it rains and generally take great pleasure in tromping through water. My shoes were becoming rapidly soaked, though, so I stopped. As anyone over the age of five would have about a minute earlier.
Standing outside of the stop I scrolled through emails on my phone, occasionally looking up to see if he was walking out. A crowd of people walked out, but he wasn’t amongst them.
I’m here x He texted.
So am I, you must’ve gone through the wrong exit x
I sent him a second text telling him where I was. Moments later I could see him, standing a couple inches above most, looking around. He wasn’t looking in my general direction so I watched him for a moment. He looked older, but in a good way, in a rugged way.
Speaking to Charlie (my best friend from home, not sure that I have put in the blog that I’ve given her that name) earlier I told her I was going to see The Boy.
‘What?!’ She said loudly into the phone.
‘Yeah, I suppose it’s like our annual reunion. Last time he apologised and all, so I suppose there’s no harm in seeing him once in awhile.’
‘At least he’s not hard to look at.’
‘Truth.’ I said, matter-of-factly.
He definitely was not sore on the eyes. I watched him walk in my general direction in boat shoes, dark jeans, and a dress shirt. I frowned, thinking Damn him for being so attractive to myself. I pushed myself off of the fence I was perched on and walked towards him. I was literally in front of him, waving my hand before he noticed.
‘Oh! Hello.’ He said, smiling.
‘Hello.’ I said, as he bent down to wrap his arms around me.
‘Wow. This place is … new.’
‘To you, maybe, but I’m pretty sure that it has been here for awhile.’
‘Right.’ He agreed. ‘I have never been here.’
‘I know. Do you want me to show you around?’
‘Can do. Or we can do whatever, I’m not bothered.’
‘Well, I’m here everyday, you aren’t. What do you want to do?’ He shrugged. ‘Great.’ I said to myself, exhaling and thinking about what to do. I wasn’t exactly keen to take him straight to mine so we just walked in the general direction of the town centre.
We talked about lots of things in general, as if no time had passed since we last saw each other. We even commented on how nice it was not to have the same conversation you have about twenty times a week with people, being:
‘How is school, dear?’
‘Good.’
‘What are you doing this summer?’
‘… Not much.’
‘No job?’
‘Not yet, no.’
‘Hmm.’
‘Well you see, Auntie [General Auntie name here], I was going to sell my soul to investment banking then thought better of it, so instead looked into an internship in trading – since these options seem to be the natural career path for anyone doing a general degree at Oxbridge – didn’t like that either. Too much work, to be honest. So I’ve been reading a lot of autobiographies and writing a blog about sex, and having sex, of course, and you know, just generally pissing away money on nights out with mates. I’m hoping that someone will come along and just pay me for being me sometime soon.’
The last part only happens in my mind though.
I genuinely enjoy The Boy’s company. I wouldn’t have dated him and lost my virginity to him if I didn’t. It’s amazing how two people can change in two years. Instead of rehashing what an absolute cock he was (that was so last year) we just talked and laughed as we walked around the town before finally settling on a pub.
He bought us a round of drinks and we sat, discussing nothing in particular, but every time our eyes met he would get this big smile across his face. Stop. Being. So. Hot. I tried to will him into ugliness with my mind. Then again, I suppose it’s better that people you’ve slept with are fit than absolute uggos, and to be fair I had already resolved myself to the fact that I wanted to sleep with him. Giving up on resistance to him, I laughed and flirted with him until we had finished our drinks.
‘Would you like another?’ I offered.
‘Sure.’ He said, making a move to get up.
‘I’ll get them.’ I wanted to keep things even. I hate to feel as if things are expected of people, such as him buying every round.
We talked some more before leaving and heading back to mine. Once we were there he commented on everything, from pictures, to books, to the section of the Times sitting out, everything. We watched telly and drank tea for an hour, laughing and talking. It felt like it did when we were dating. Comfortable.
Eventually I got up and got dressed for bed. I went back into the sitting room. ‘So, you can either sleep in the guest room, orrr you can sleep in my bed. My bed is slightly more comfortable.’ I don’t know why I added the last bit. As if I needed to convince him to sleep in the same bed.
Thinking the same, he laughed at my statement. ‘Do you mind if I take a shower first?’
I was taken aback slightly. Personal hygiene hadn’t really been his forte when I knew him, he was a bit like Robert Pattison – attractive, but usually looked like he could use a bath. I’m quite sure I had never heard him ask for a shower. ‘Um, okay.’
‘Strange, I know. But I’ve become a bit OCD about showering.’
I laughed. ‘It’s next to my room.’ I said, pointing in the general direction.
I went to my bedroom and got into bed, pulling out The Economist, which I pretended to read for five minutes, but was actually contemplating what was going on. I use to hate The Boy so much, but there was always something annoyingly endearing about him.
He emerged from the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist and a broad smile on his face.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this clean in my life.’
He laughed. ‘Should I turn this light out?’
‘Sure.’ I said.
He turned the light out and took of the towel. He was wearing pants underneath, so I’m still not sure what the towel was for, but he got into bed. The moon was bright enough that I could see him clearly without the light. We leaned in towards each other and kissed for a moment before pulling away and smiling. We laughed for a moment before he put his arm under my back and pulled me to him. We kissed for a long time, almost as if everything was as it were before we had ever slept together. There was a kind of teenage innocence to what we were doing before after about half an hour we remembered that we had moved on from merely snogging.
‘Did you bring a condom?’ I asked.
He paused for a moment. ‘Bugger.’
I laughed. ‘I have some. I just wanted to see your reaction.’
He smiled and I could see his teeth shining in the moonlight. He was a gorgeous boy, and for awhile it was like it had been before, fun and carefree – before the tears and the apologies and the growing up.
The next morning I woke up earlier than The Boy. We had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, but woke up with our backs to each other, as opposed to before when I would wake up to him asleep on me, snoring in my face. I rolled over and watched him sleep. He was quite pretty. I leaned over him to glance at the clock. It was still early, but I was awake and bored. I contemplated whether or not I wanted to wake him up to have sex again. My apathy towards the matter led me to the decision to see what he did when he woke up.
Bored, I exhaled loudly and rolled around a bit, which was enough to wake him up. He woke up slowly, stretching and eventually looking over at me.
‘Hello.’
‘Morning.’ I said, smiling. He yawned and closed his eyes again. Impatient, I asked, ‘Would you like some tea and breakfast?’
He opened his eyes and looked at me again, smiling. ‘That would be nice.’
I got up and went into the kitchen. Poppy had wanted to come visit me that day, but I had told her I didn’t know what time The Boy would be leaving. I texted her.
I’m free all day, come see me! xxx
A moment later she replied.
Brilliant! Just getting ready to go to the station now, so glad you’re ready! x
I replied immediately.
Great, let me know what time your train gets here and I will come to meet you … hurry! I need a reason to kick The Boy out xx
Ha. I’ll be there at 11:45 xx
The Boy walked into the kitchen.
‘Tea?’ I asked, walking to the kettle.
‘Yes, please.’
‘There’s cereal in that cupboard.’ I said, pointing across the kitchen.
He pulled out the Weetabix and I handed him a cup of tea. ‘Ta.’ He said, pouring sugar over the cereal. We moved to the sitting room and turned on BBC Breakfast.
‘So what are you doing today? Do you want me to show you around more?’ I asked, knowing the answer.
‘I don’t know really. I think we saw most of the town last night, so not too bothered.’
‘Okay.’ I said, sighing and opening my computer. I was bored. I looked at my watch, wishing it were 11:45.
I sat, drinking my tea and checking my email on my laptop. This kind of existence had been fine as a fresher at uni, but I wasn’t about to spend an entire day just sitting around with The Boy doing nothing, especially as we seemed to have exhausted most of our conversational capabilities with each other. I checked my watch. I needed to leave in twenty minutes.
‘I need to leave in twenty minutes.’ I announced.
‘Oh. Wow. Didn’t realise you had to go so soon.’
‘I’m meeting a friend. We’re going to lunch. You can come along if you like.’ I said, knowing he wouldn’t come.
‘Well I’m meant to meet a friend in London, so I suppose I’ll head that way soon.’
‘Oh, okay.’ I said, unbothered.
He pulled his laptop out and I picked up his dishes, taking them to the kitchen. As I loaded them into the dishwasher I thought that this must be what it’s like to take care of a child. ‘Do you need to shower?’ I yelled from the kitchen.
‘No, I’m alright.’ He yelled back.
I had showered while he was still in bed, and went to my room to get my stuff together. As I stood in my room, contemplating what coat to wear, I could hear The Boy on the phone.
‘Just at a mate’s house.’
It was undoubtedly another girl, but I didn’t care. As soon as he had hung up I emerged in the sitting room, wearing a coat and holding my bag. ‘We need to leave.’
‘Okay.’ He said, and slowly got up. ‘Have you seen my socks?’
‘I have not.’ I said. As he doddled around the place I was growing increasingly impatient. I glanced at my watch, Poppy would be there in 10 minutes.
After practically dragging him out of the house we walked to the station. Making mindless chat the entire way, I was grateful when we were finally there.
‘I think you’re on the platform just there.’ I said, pointing to the London-bound platform.
‘Brilliant, thanks.’
‘Well, it was fun.’
‘It was.’
‘Maybe see you soon.’
‘I’ll call you next time I’m around.’
‘Okay.’ I said, unconvinced. He leaned down and hugged me. We rarely kissed, which was odd considering the amount of time we usually spent snogging prior to sex. ‘Bye.’
‘Bye.’ He replied, and I watched him walk away. I checked my phone. Poppy was meant to be arriving just then. I looked up again across the platforms to see The Boy waiting for the train. It arrived and left an empty platform in its wake moments later.
‘Hi!’ I heard from behind me and turned to see Poppy running towards me.
‘Hello!’ I said, throwing my arms around her.
She kissed me and squeezed me closer. ‘Oh, it’s so good to see you!’
‘I know!’ I said, and we let go and started walking to town.
I sipped a glass of wine. ‘Then I was stood there, in my coat, holding my bag, keys in hand, like, “I really need to leave.” He just wouldn’t go!’
She laughed. ‘You’re unbelievable. So who’s your next victim?’
‘Ha. No one. I only slept with The Boy because I’ve decided not to date anymore, and to only sleep with people I’ve already slept with.’
‘Sure.’ She said, smiling and taking a sip of her wine.
‘It’s true!’ I said, and I knew I was just repeating myself like a broken record in order to talk myself out of what I knew I felt.
A few minutes later she said, ‘So, no one new?’ sceptically.
I exhaled and thought for a moment. ‘There are a couple guys in London I’ve met.’
‘Met?’
‘Yes, met! That’s not a euphemism!’
She laughed. ‘Okay. So tell me about these boys.’ I told her about Brix and Langdon. ‘And they’re friends of Lad Boy?’
‘Yes.’ I was scrolling through pictures on facebook on my phone. ‘Here,’ I said, handing her the phone, ‘this is what Langdon looks like.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Hmm.’ She laughed and handed the phone back to me.
‘I can’t decide if I like him or just really fucking hate him.’
‘Right.’ She said, finishing her wine. ‘Whatever you say.’ She smiled at me.
‘Well, I did pull him before I made my whole “no sleeping with anyone new” rule, and technically I have slept with him in the platonic sense.’
‘You are completely talking yourself into this.’
‘No! Wait, no. It’s just, he’s Lad Boy’s friend, and no. Bad idea.’
‘Why don’t you ask Lad Boy about him?’
‘Because I’m trying to play it cool, Poppy!’
‘Right.’ She laughed. ‘You’re the epitome of “cool”.’
I stuck my tongue out. ‘Fuck you.’
She laughed again. ‘Just be careful.’
‘I know.’
We changed the subject and spent the rest of the day drinking and playing cards.
After she left I couldn’t help but be slightly anxious over just how much I was thinking about Langdon. It was a bad sign. Or maybe a good sign. Either way, if anything was going to happen I would make sure to do things differently. My tendency to go full on into every situation clearly has not worked. What would happen if I remained sceptical until proven wrong?
I shook off the thoughts, deciding to not even consider the possibility that I would see Langdon in the near future, and thus wouldn’t have to worry about the predicament.
Little did I know I would see him two days later.
Next time, “Do As I Say, Not As I Do!”
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