‘Ow! This isn’t working.’ I said.
‘You’re just doing it wrong! Try again.’ Lad Boy insisted.
‘No, you do it.’
‘Come on, you’ve almost got it off.’
‘Ugh. I’m going to break something.’
‘Man up.’ He demanded.
I tightened my grip on the beer bottle I was holding and wedged the lighter I had in the other hand between my thumb and the cap, prying it upward. The lighter chipped and the cap flew off. ‘Yes!’
‘Only took you five minutes.’ He scoffed.
‘I asked you to do it!’
‘You need to learn.’
‘Whatever.’ I said, taking a victory sip. ‘Am I going to know anyone at this party?’
‘Probably not. He said, effortlessly popping the top off another bottle and taking a sip. ‘I think you met some of them when we were in London last.’
‘Hm.’ I said, sipping my beer. ‘Who was the one that was hitting on me?’
‘That would be all of them.’
‘Which one really liked me though?’
‘That would be one of them.’ He paused. ‘Just kidding. Again, pretty much all of them.’
‘I was one of about three girls – on numbers alone there was no way at least some of them wouldn’t have tried it on with me.’
‘Langdon,’ (short for the Langdon Park tubestop – well, DLR stop) ‘was quite keen. He keeps asking about you. But so does Brix,’ (short for Brixton) ‘I think they both like you quite a lot.’
‘Brix?’
‘Friend from home.’
‘Oh yeah.’
‘Yeah, they both like you.’
‘Nah, they just like the idea of me.’
‘How so?’
‘Well, they are probably use to getting whatever girl they want, yeah?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘They can’t have me, so they want me. If I were to get with them they’d immediately like me less.’
‘Probably.’
‘Brix said I “challenged” him.’
Lad Boy laughed. ‘Now you’re really in trouble.’
‘How so?’
‘Well …’ He took a breath. ‘Langdon has this theory that he needs a girl that “challenges” him, and Brix agreed. So essentially, they’re both looking for someone that isn’t easy to get.’
‘Like me.’
‘Like you. Though I thought you were quite easy to get.’ He said, thinking aloud.
I threw a pillow at him. ‘Dick.’
He laughed. ‘Langdon is good looking. And all the girls love Brix.’
‘I’m sure they’re both very lovely.’ I said, sipping my beer.
‘You could have either of them.’
‘I know.’ I said finishing the beer. ‘I could have a lot of people, though.’
‘Alright, modest.’
‘Well, I’m not the one who sets standards, but guys in general are quite liberal with who they will sleep with.’
‘Obviously, but not with who they date.’
‘Who said anything about dating?’
‘Langdon and Brix.’
I laughed. ‘Yeah. Right.’
‘What?’
‘I’m done with dating.’
‘Yeah. Right.’ He mocked.
‘No, seriously. I’m done. It’s a waste of time.’
‘It isn’t though, is it?’
‘How long did it take me to get over Dale?’
‘Awhile.’
No, too long. It was a waste of my life.’
‘Was it? Didn’t you enjoy being with him?’
‘Briefly, but it wasn’t worth it. I’ve gained weight, lost time, and bombed an exam. So, no. I did not enjoy that experience in the end.’
‘Have you ever dumped anyone?’
I thought for a moment. ‘No. I’m always dumped.’
‘That’s because you always date dickheads that you should never have gone out with in the first place. The Ex was a cheater, Grey was a fucking arsehole that none of us liked, and Dale was a Shoreditch wanker.’
‘And a music snob.’
‘That guy took music way too seriously.’
‘I know, right?’ I said, fumbling with another beer. ‘No one likes The Rakes that much.’
‘Brix and Langdon are decent guys.’ I was still fumbling and managed to somehow pop the cap off. ‘Well done.’ Lad Boy said, surprised.
‘Yeah, they’re all decent guys at first.’ I said, drinking my beer. ‘But then they get bored and I get needy.’
‘Well just don’t get needy.’
‘I don’t know how not to, it’s like I’m programmed to go mental once I’m in a relationship. It’s pants.’
‘You do go a bit mental.’
‘A bit? I told you I wanted to walk in front of a bus when Dale dumped me.’
‘Yeah. I guess you go completely mental.’
‘Exactly. So. No more dating. I’m done.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Well, I don’t believe me either, but I’m going to try.’
‘Good luck.’
‘Ta.’ I said and we clinked bottles.
‘You know … Langdon is quite the ladies man.’ Lad Boy said. ‘You’ll probably shag him.’
‘Not now that you’ve said that I won’t.’
‘Bet you will.’
‘How much?’
‘I bet for pride, darling – for pride.’
‘Challenge accepted. I will not shag Langdon.’
‘What’s wrong with Langdon?’ Lad Boy asked as an afterthought as he watched me fumble with another bottle.
‘Nothing.’ I said, still concentrated on getting the cap off. ‘But I like a good challenge.’ I popped the top off and beamed at him, handing him the drink. He held it up and gave me an approving look. ‘Besides, the more I hold out, the more likely he is to fancy me more than he already does. Or he’ll hate me. Either way, I’m not going to sleep with him.’
‘Whatever you say.’ He said, sipping his beer.
‘And really, the last thing I need right now is a new guy in my life. I’ve had enough drama to last me a lifetime.’
‘It does seem to follow you.’
‘When was the last time you saw T, by the way?’
He thought for a moment. ‘Ages ago. Don’t know what he’s up to.’
‘Pretty much the same as always.’ I said.
‘How do you know? When was the last time you saw him?’
I thought about whether or not to tell him about what had happened.
About five days after my exams had ended I was walking back to college after being at the gym. It was raining and I was fumbling around at the gate trying to find my phone when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.
‘Excuse me, do you know where I can find the –’ As I turned around he stopped talking and a big smile broke out across his face. ‘Well, hello.’
The last time I had seen T was when we randomly met on the street in London a few months earlier, but we had said a brief hello and then gone our separate ways. I had a feeling this encounter would be equally swift, as he was wearing a tuxedo, looking amazing, and I was in gym clothes, looking the opposite of amazing.
‘Hello, stranger.’ I said, hoping it was raining enough to pass off my sweaty hair as just being drenched from the weather.
‘What are you doing here?’ He asked.
‘You know I’m at this college.’
‘I did not know that.’
‘I’m sure you did.’
‘You’ve never invited me around, how would I know?’
I laughed. ‘Maybe someday … If you’re lucky.’
He smiled and I wondered why I hadn’t invited him to mine before. It may have just been the tuxedo, but he was looking particularly handsome and I immediately regretted that my plans for the night didn’t include wherever it was he was going to be. He finished his initial question and I gave him directions to where he was going. ‘See you around.’ He said as he wisely decided to stop talking to me in the rain and get to whatever black tie event he was headed to.
‘If you’re lucky.’ I repeated.
Laughing, he waved goodbye and I watched as he walked away for a moment before pulling my phone out to see if Rosie had texted me back.
Come over, I have wine. Hurrah! xxx
I laughed. Rosie’s catchphrase was ‘Hurrah!’ and we had deemed that whenever one wrote or spoke the words they had to throw their hands in the air. I liked receiving emails or texts with ‘Hurrah!’ in it for the sheer mental image of her texting and throwing her hand in the air simultaneously.
I made it into the warmth of her room and as she handed me a glass of wine I told her about my encounter with T.
‘Hm.’ She said, sipping her wine. ‘When was the last time you guys slept together?’
I thought for a moment, making a sound with my lips as I pursed them. ‘I don’t know. A year ago maybe? It was after we went on a date together.’
‘I see.’ She said thoughtfully.
‘Want to watch Made in Chelsea?’ I asked, changing the subject.
‘Yes! Hurrah!’ She said, throwing the arm that wasn’t holding wine up in the air.
‘Hurrah!’ I imitated.
Halfway through the episode I checked my email. There was one from Facebook.
T has sent you a message on Facebook.
Open.
Hey! Just went to call you but I don’t seem to have your number in my new phone. Give me a call Txx
‘Huh.’ I responded out loud.
‘Hm?’ Rosie asked, looking up from the screen.
‘T just sent me a message on Facebook.’
‘Why on Facebook?’
‘He says he doesn’t have my number and that he wants me to call him.’
‘Ooooh.’ She said, sipping her wine.
‘Should I?’
‘Hell yeah!’ She said, frowning. ‘I have no sex life and thus need to live vicariously through you, so call him!’
I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts before I found him. I clicked on his name and the phone began to ring.
What responded on the other end was just noise. Lots of it. T was attempting to yell something over a lot of music and other talking and I took the phone from my ear, held it in front of my face and pressed ‘End Call’.
‘I think he’s busy.’ I said.
Rosie laughed. ‘Text him! He’s clearly not too busy to send you Facebook messages.’
‘True.’
Hey, it’s me. Got your fb message xx
Less than a minute later he replied.
Yeah, changed phones. Not liking the rain at all. So wet!! What are you doing tonight? Xx
I consulted with Rosie.
‘He definitely wants to hang out with you.’
‘Correction – he wants to sleep with me.’
‘Well there’s really not a lot of difference between you hanging out with a guy and sleeping with one – same thing right?’ She stuck her tongue out.
‘You bitch.’ I joked. I wrote T back.
Not sure what I’m up to really. Not going out though, so I’ll probably just stay home xx
A few minutes later he wrote me back.
You should invite me over for some wine …
Rosie and I laughed and drank our wine. ‘What should I do?’ I asked, finishing my glass.
‘Invite him over for some wine!’
‘I don’t want wine. I want sex.’
She laughed. ‘Then fuck the wine, just tell him to come over.’
‘But I’m hanging out with you.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ She said, shooing me with her hands dismissively.
‘Well I’ll stay here for another episode and then he can bring me wine. What do I look like? A bed and wine supplier?’
‘A bit, yes.’
‘Fair enough, it’s pretty much the central elements to my room anyway.’
I texted him back.
I’ll probably head back to my room soon, but you’re more than welcome to come by x
Ten minutes later he wrote back.
Well, I would love to say hi, where is your place? x
I told him where my room was and he said that he would text me when he was leaving.
I finished another episode of MiC and the rest of the wine with Rosie before heading home. I was bordering exhaustion and after a shower I collapsed into bed, setting my ringtone at maximum volume for when T showed up.
I managed to sleep through a few text messages, but woke up when he called.
‘I think I’m outside.’
‘Okay.’ I said, groggily. I went outside and he was, indeed, standing right there. ‘Hello.’ I said, one eye still half closed.
He laughed. ‘Did I wake you up?’ I nodded and he came over and kissed me hello. ‘Hi.’ He said, pulling away.
‘Hi again.’
I led him back to my room and we bypassed the small chat and began kissing immediately, collapsing onto my bed together.
I ran my hand through his hair and was distracted for a brief while with how soft it was.
As things heated up I reached for a condom, not paying particular attention to which one I grabbed before handing it to him.
Sex with T is always quite good, and by quite good I mean very good. However, this time seemed to be going on a bit longer than usual and I wouldn’t say that I was bored, but there comes a point when even I have had enough. I didn’t remember this ever being an issue before, then suddenly remembered that I had thrown all the condoms I had into one pile, and amongst them were the Durex Performa condoms I had bought for a certain ex-boyfriend with “timing” problems. The point of the Performa condoms is to delay things, per se.
Great. I thought. Having woken up just to have sex with T, I was now wanting to go back to sleep. Luckily things didn’t last too much longer, and overall it was still fun and enjoyable, but I could have done with about five minutes less of the fun.
I fell asleep quickly, and the next time I opened my eyes it was light out and T was wrapped around me, holding me from behind. Sensing that I was awake, he began squeezing me closer to him and I turned around to kiss him. A couple minutes later I looked into the drawer next to my bed, taking care to grab a normal condom.
We fell asleep again shortly afterward and awhile later I heard him get up and go to the toilet. I kept my position, facing away from the door, blinking at my bookcase. When he came back in he started to get dressed and I felt his weight as he sat on the edge of the bed. I could feel him turn around and look at me from behind. I’m still not sure why I pretended to be asleep, but I kind of just wanted him to leave so I could go back to sleep. Nothing personal, I was just knackered. I closed my eyes as I felt him lean over, and he swept a piece of hair off of my face and kissed me on the cheek before getting up and walking out the door. I rolled over once his footsteps became inaudible and peered over the side of my bed. A silver wrapper was strewn on the floor, the colour of the Performa condoms. I opened my drawer to see how many were left in there. I had no intention of sleeping with the particular person who needed them again, so I grabbed them and threw them in the bin before rolling back over to doze some more.
Sat next to Lad Boy a few weeks later, I considered whether or not to tell him all the details and thought better of it. As curious as he was about my love life, I don’t think he needed to know everything.
‘I suppose the last time I saw T was a couple weeks ago before term ended. I ran into him randomly and he was on his way to a party.’ I said, trying to sum up the encounter briefly.
‘I see. So that was it?’
‘No, he called me at about midnight to say the party was boring and to see if I wanted to hang out.’
‘Did you?’
‘Yeah, he came over to mine.’
‘What did you guys do?’
‘Hung out.’
‘Oh.’ I wasn’t sure if he had put the pieces together, but I imagined he’d work it out in the end.
‘I think I definitely just want to be single for awhile.’ I said, thinking aloud.
‘How long is awhile?’
‘A couple of years maybe?’
He laughed. I didn’t. ‘Oh. You’re serious.’
‘Yeah. I mean, I am serious. I just can’t waste time worrying about relationships. It isn’t worth the hassle.’
‘I guess.’ He said, placing an empty beer in the box they had come in.
‘What time is this party anyway?’
He shrugged and burped. ‘Whenever.’
‘Where is it?’
‘Camden.’
I burped. ‘Excuse me.’
‘There is no excuse for you.’ He said.
‘Noted. Should we go?’
He peered into the box and grabbed the last two beers. They were quite small, hence the quantity of bottles we had been opening, and he handed me one along with the lighter. ‘Final test.’
I took a big breath, exhaling loudly and stretching my neck. ‘Here we go.’ I pried the lighter upward and the cap popped. ‘Success!’
‘Nice one. Now open mine.’
That one took embarrassingly longer, but we eventually saw off the drinks and headed out into London from his parents’ house.
Now, admittedly, the amount of beer I drank on an empty stomach prior to this party was probably a bad choice, but I had a brilliant time nonetheless. There was a lot of dancing, mostly with Brix, who is my new dancing soulmate. After coming up with many new moves, we became those drunk people who think something completely ridiculous is much more funny than it actually is and proceeded to impose our bad dancing on others all evening.
At one point I was queuing for the toilet and I heard ‘Hello,’ from behind me.
I turned to see Langdon standing there. ‘Why, hel –’ but before I could finish the sentence he kissed me.
I heard the door latch unlock in the loo and pushed him away. Lad Boy walked out and frowned at us. ‘What are you two doing?’ He asked, squinting suspiciously.
‘Waiting for you to hurry the fuck up and get out of the toilet. I need the loo.’ I said, placing my hands on my hips.
‘Fair enough.’ He shrugged and walked away.
I turned to face Langdon, raising one eyebrow. He put his hands around my waist and walked me backwards until we were in the loo. He closed the door behind him and I reached around to lock the door before we resumed kissing. A few minutes later I pulled away. ‘I actually do need to use the toilet, so you need to go.’
He laughed. ‘Okay.’
We opened the door so he could walk out and a line had appeared where there had previously been no one. A cheer came out from everyone in line and I laughed, closing the door as Langdon left. The story that would eventually be told was that people saw me putting my clothes back on, but that would be set straight the next morning when we were all sat in a pub for brunch.
As the night went on Lad Boy disappeared somewhere and Langdon eventually asked if I wanted to go and “get some food.” I agreed and we walked into the night towards food and his flat. When we got to his we found his brother watching telly and joined him before eventually going to his room to resume our snog fest. Still resolved not to sleep with Langdon, I eventually pulled away, said I was tired and rolled over to fall asleep. Langdon was unbothered and complicit, wrapping his arm around me and resting his head just behind mine on the same pillow. It was oddly intimate for someone I was convinced was only interested in sleeping with me.
The next morning I woke up and knew where I was immediately, recalling the last moments of the night before. I was still in all of my clothes and Langdon hadn’t released his kung fu grip on me over the course of our sleep together. I managed to wriggle my way onto my back and he woke up. Looking down at me he closed his eyes again and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him, but kept my eyes open, momentarily concerned as to what was going on. Or rather, concerned as to what he thought might be going on. I pulled away and said I had to go to the loo.
‘You need the toilet a lot.’ He commented.
‘I have a small bladder. It’s proportional to the rest of my body. And I drank a lot of beer.’
‘Yes you did.’ He replied.
‘Be right back.’ I walked to the door and as I pulled the handle it came off in my hand. ‘Is this how you get all the ladies?’ I asked, turning and holding it up.
He laughed. ‘Yeah, it’s a bit dodgy, but it works every time, 60% of the time.’
I laughed and managed to get the handle back on and functioning. I used the loo and as I walked back to his room I could hear him talking through the door.
‘Yeah mate, she’s here … No … Yes, I’m sure … No, nothing happened.’ I opened the door and climbed back into bed as he kept speaking on the phone. ‘Yeah, mate, sounds good. See you there.’ He hung up and put his mobile next to the bed.
‘Lad Boy?’
‘Yeah, he was wondering where you were.’
‘How thoughtful.’
‘He cares about you a lot.’
‘I know.’ Langdon kissed me and after a moment I pulled away. ‘So what’s the plan?’
‘You’re a mystery, you know that?’
‘Yep. I know. You’re pretty transparent.’
‘Oh am I?’ He asked.
‘Oh yeah. I see right through you.’
He smiled again and kissed me before I rolled on top of him and pinned his arms down. ‘I need caffeine.’ I said and leaned down to kiss him.
He wrapped his arms around me and rolled me onto my back, pinning me between his body and the bed. ‘I think I can manage that.’ He said, kissing me and then rolling off of the bed to get up. He walked to the door and the handle came off in his hand the first time he tried to open the door. He refastened it and opened it, turning to me to ask, ‘Are you coming?’
We went into the kitchen, which was attached to the sitting room where his brother was sitting playing video games.
‘Morning.’ His brother said, smiling mischievously.
‘Hey.’ I answered, daftly.
We all sat, drinking tea and killing zombies before we left for a pub brunch with everyone else from the party.
Sat between Brix and Lad Boy, I justified my adult sleepover to a table of twelve people from the night before and we laughed over the story of the door handle and drank Crabbies to avoid the inevitable hangover.
Lad Boy and I went back to his house to change and shower. When I emerged from the shower he was sitting in the kitchen, eating what was leftover of his mum’s cooking from the night before. ‘Langdon is having a Sunday roast at his tomorrow, want to stick around the rest of the weekend?’
I thought for a moment. ‘Why not? Sounds good.’
‘Wicked.’ He said, smiling.
I smiled too, happy at the idea of a new circle of friends, free from exes and people who would inevitably ask me about exes. Grateful for the break from the bubble that is Oxbridge, I revelled in the idea that I could literally start fresh and be whatever I wished to be to these people. ‘We’re going to have a wicked summer.’ I said, smiling again.
‘That we are.’ He replied. There was a bit of a pause and then he said, ‘Wait. So did you sleep with T?!’
I laughed. ‘God you’re thick.’
Yorum Gönder