‘Slow down!’ I said, hobbling precariously along a cobblestone walkway in my heels.
‘What’d you have to wear those fuckin’ shoes for you dickhead?’ Foster said, grabbing my hand and pulling me along as he simultaneously held my balance for me.
‘They make my legs look good.’
‘But you can’t walk!’
‘Not on cobblestone I can’t!’
‘This whole fucking city is made of cobblestone!’
‘Her legs do look good though.’ Trinity agreed.
‘Women.’ Goodge said, shaking his head. ‘Makes your bum look nice as well, by the way.’ He added.
‘See?’ I said, clutching to Foster’s hand for dear life.
‘How many beers did you have in Trinity’s room for fuck’s sake? You can’t even walk a straight line!’ Foster said.
‘Don’t judge me! I had the same as all of you.’
‘Yeah, but you’re about half our size.’
‘Then maybe you shouldn’t buy me so much beer next time.’
‘Alright, princess, you get the beer next time then!’ Goodge said.
‘Agh!’ I said, tripping.
‘Fffff-ucking hell.’ Foster said, holding me up.
‘Come here,’ Goodge said locking his arm through mine.
A few minutes later and we were on solid pavement. ‘Phew!’ I said, releasing my kung fu grip on Foster’s hand. I shook my hands a bit and began walking normally, keeping pace with the guys.
‘So you aren’t drunk?’ Trinity said.
‘We had two beers! I’m not that much of a lightweight. You try walking in these shoes on an uneven surface.’
‘Why don’t you try getting practical shoes?’ Foster chimed in.
‘Hush.’
‘This party is going to be full of dickheads.’ Goodge said.
‘At least three, yes.’ I said.
‘Oh-hohhhh. Yeah. Nice one. After I practically carry your arse all the way here I’m the dickhead.’ Goodge replied.
‘Technically I carried her most of the way here.’ Foster said.
‘I prefer to say you “supported” my attempt at walking rather than “carried”.’
‘Whatever. Just don’t ever wear those shoes again.’ Foster said.
‘They’re pretty comfortable to be honest. I mean, when I’m not on the verge of falling flat on my face.’
‘You’re ridiculous.’ He sighed.
‘And yet you still love me!’ I said, linking my arm with his and resting my head on his shoulder.
‘Get off!’
‘No!’ I said, wrapping my arms around his waist as we walked. He started laughing. ‘Boop, boop, boop.’ I said, poking him in the stomach.
‘Stop it!’ He said, laughing harder.
‘Will you two just do it already?’ Goodge said.
Foster and I stopped and looked at each other. He closed his eyes and tilted his head as he bent down towards me as if about to kiss me. ‘You go ninety, I’ll go ten.’ I said, and he started to laugh again. ‘Come on, let’s go inside. It’s cold.’
My phone rang and I pulled it out of my bag to see Bromley’s picture illuminating the screen. ‘Hello my love.’ I said into the phone.
‘Ohhh, hello darrrrling!’ He sang into the phone. ‘How are we?’
‘Good, good.’
‘Oh that’s good to hear. I’ve been worried about you since I saw you at Easter. That rubbish boy really got to you, didn’t he?’
‘He did yes, but I’ve had a good shout at him now and I feel much, much better.’
‘Oh! Brilliant. Listen, what is this thing you’ve invited me to this evening?’
‘Just a party in college. Loads of people are going, you should come along.’
‘Are there any gay boys in your college?’
‘I believe that statistically speaking there must be at least one gay boy in my college, yes.’
‘Brilliant. Well it will be nice to catch up, you know.’
‘It will, hurry up before I get to the point where I won’t remember it.’
‘Oh it’s one of those nights, is it?’
‘It looks as though it’s headed that way.’
‘Well I’m looking forward to hearing all the goss. See you soon, darling.’
‘Au revoir.’
‘Who’s that?’ Foster asked.
‘Bromley.’
‘Who’s that?’ Foster asked again.
‘Mate from home, he’s at another college here.’
‘Ah.’
We walked in and the music was essentially just soft enough that you could understand what people were saying at a yelling level.
‘It’s so loud!’ Goodge shouted.
‘Don’t be such an old man!’ I shouted back.
‘What? I can’t hear you.’
‘Nevermind.’ I shouted again.
‘What?!’
‘Fucking hell.’ I said at a normal volume, which may as well have been a whisper. ‘NEVER. MIND.’ I said, with corresponding hand gestures.
‘Oh.’
Trinity made a drinking motion with his hand and we all nodded in agreement. As we walked to the bar I felt someone grab my arm. ‘There you are!’ Briony said.
‘Hey!’ I yelled.
‘Come with me.’ She yelled back.
We walked into a quieter part of the JCR. ‘What?’
‘Remember those guys we met at the pub and then casually told they should come to this party the other day?’
‘Vaguely.’
‘They’re here.’
‘What?’
‘Yeah. And I’ve had to entertain them for the last thirty minutes.’
I laughed. ‘Unfortunate.’
‘Aren’t you going to talk to them?’
‘Well I suppose I’ll say hello, but I don’t really know them, B.’
‘You can’t leave me alone with them!’
‘It’s not as if they can’t get by on their own.’
‘We’re the only people they know here.’
‘Well then they should make friends fast, because Bromley is coming in a few minutes and I don’t have time to play host to some strangers. It’s a party – you’re not meant to speak to the same people the whole time. Now, let’s go say hello and then excuse ourselves to the bar.’
We walked in and sure enough the two boys we had met earlier in the week were standing there. ‘Hello!’ I said, kissing them each hello on the cheek. ‘Are you guys having fun?’
‘Yeah.’ One of them said/shouted over the music. ‘I’ve never been to this college, it’s well nice!’
‘It is quite lovely.’ I agreed. ‘We need to get a drink, are you guys alright on your own?’
‘We’re fine!’ The other one shouted. ‘Having a great time, thanks for inviting us!’
‘No problem, see you later!’ I shouted as we made our way to the bar. I turned to Briony as we walked. ‘Now was that so difficult?’
‘I never would have thought of saying that.’
‘That is why you are the Robin to my Batman.’
‘Oh, ta. Glad I get to be your sidekick.’
I flashed her a big smile and then Foster appeared holding two drinks. ‘Beer?’ He asked, holding a bottle towards me.
‘Oh, cheers!’
‘Sorry, Briony. I didn’t realise you were here or else I would have gotten you one as well.’
‘Oh, it’s alright, I’ll just go get one myself.’ There was a bit of a pause as if someone was suppose to say something. I sipped my beer and watched them in amusement before Briony abruptly turned and walked away. I think Foster has always harboured some sort of crush on Briony, but as with most girls, he never made a move. They’re both so painfully awkward sometimes that they could just work, or they would just be some completely uncomfortable mess of a couple.
Foster looked at me and raised his eyebrows before holding his glass out. I clinked it. ‘Cheers, my dear.’ I said, taking a sip.
‘Cheers, loove.’ He said in a mock, uber-blokey, northern kind of way. ‘I’m going to go find Goodge and Trinity.’
I spotted someone across the room and turned to Foster, ‘I’ll come find you in a second.’
‘Alright.’
‘Thanks again for the drink.’ I shouted as he walked away. He turned around and walked backwards for a moment to wink at me. I laughed and then turned back towards the person I wanted to chat to.
I am quite conflicted over what to call this particular boy, because on the one hand we get on brilliantly and I’d very much like to be more than friends with him and give him some appropriate dog counterpart name, but on the other hand is a substantial list of reasons of why I cannot, and will not, act on these feelings. How is this a horribly bad situation? Let me count the ways.
- He has a girlfriend.
- His girlfriend just so happens to hate me. A lot.
- He is one of Dale’s (and Al’s for that matter) best friends. WHAT is with me and this particular group of boys?
- He was part of an ongoing support group to get me from my breakup with Dale to now in one piece.
- As pointed out by some, the feelings I speak of appear to be mutual between us.
Let’s not forget what happened last time I got too chummy with a mate who had a girlfriend. It fucking blew up in my fucking face, and Dill and I barely even speak to each other now. Mainly because his girlfriend never leaves his side, and most of our friends can’t stand his girlfriend anymore (same one he cheated on), so we’ve stopped inviting them out with us. On the rare occasion that he does escape from the girlfriend, which is subsequently only when she is out of town, we still get on brilliantly. But if she’s around it’s as if he resents me or something. Or maybe he resents her. I don’t know which, but either way they have got to be the most miserable couple, and company, I’ve ever seen or had.
Moving on to this boy. Naming him after a Tube Stop would be lying to myself that I don’t secretly want him, and once again we come to a case of, ‘Why lie on an anonymous blog?’ Why, indeed. So I shall call him [cut to me taking a 30 minute break to google dogs, laugh at the idea of calling him Dogo – which I won’t, talk on facebook chat, make a salad, eat said salad, go to pick up an empty can of Pepsi Max which isn’t empty at all, spill Pepsi everywhere, swear a bit, clean up, drink the remaining Pepsi in the can, and finally …] Bear. So, Bear isn’t actually the breed of a dog, but whilst scrubbing my carpet I realised that this boy isn’t technically dog breed material either, as it’s completely unlikely that anything will happen between us in the foreseeable future. But, Bear is the name of a dog I met once, and if he does become more than I friend I can always say it’s short for Bearded Collie. For now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Moving on. Bear was standing alone holding a can of beer so I walked up to him.
‘Hey there.’
‘Hey!’ He said, suddenly going from looking bored out of his mind to excited. ‘How are we doing?’
‘Much, much better.’
‘That’s good.’
‘I’m so sorry I’ve just been whinging at you for the last couple months. I promise I won’t do it anymore.’
‘No, don’t worry about it. I kind of just zone out and let you talk.’
‘I did notice that you occasionally had a bit of a vacant stare.’
‘It all went in though.’
‘Oh really?’
‘No.’
I laughed. ‘But really, thank you for everything.’
‘It was nothing.’ He shrugged.
It was something. For whatever reason, every time I was forced into a social situation, Bear would be there just as I was on the brink of breakdown. About two weeks after my breakup with Dale we were at a party and someone asked me where Dale was. Bear’s face tensed up as he watched me politely say, ‘I don’t know.’
I had turned away, hoping my face would stop burning and he came up behind me and gently put his hand on my shoulder before saying, ‘Come on,’ and walking me out of the party. Once we were outside he invited me to his to watch a funny movie, which generally is a move someone makes when trying to pull, but at that point it was the last thing on either of our minds. ‘I’ve got beer.’ He had offered cheerfully.
I made a faint attempt at laughing and said, ‘Alright then.’
At the beginning of this term, after the first time I had seen Dale and had him immediately leave with Lily just after I’d arrived, I had sat in a room near the JCR by myself crying. Bear had texted me. Come back, we’re playing pool x
In general, I hate for people to see me cry, or to see me when I’ve been crying. At that point though, there was no use in being alone and just crying more. Everyone I knew in the JCR had seen what happened and knew where I was. Al had even come to find me and sat with me while I cried for a bit. For whatever reason, Dale’s friends had kind of banded around me post-breakup. They never put Dale down or tried to explain him, but they made it clear that they had become friends with me because they had wanted to, not because they had to by association with my ex-boyfriend.
That night I had walked back into the room, my face looking as it had been stung by a hundred wasps, red and puffy. No one said anything, no one asked me the daft question of ‘Are you alright?’, we just played pool and laughed and drank before I went back to my room feeling infinitely better than I had upon being completely blanked by Dale.
Of all the people who helped me, Bear seemed the most protective. Just last week we were in hall getting lunch and when I looked around for a seat there was a table with Dale and all of our mutual mates, which I naturally assumed is where Bear would go. ‘Let’s sit here,’ he offered, placing his food down at a table on the other side of the hall. He was always subtly aware of all things that could cause me anxiety and did his best to casually alleviate any stressful situation by either helping me get out of it or by helping me deal with it.
Plus, he’s fit. Back to the party. Bear and I stood there talking for ages when I heard, ‘Oh hello dear!’ From behind me and turned around to see Bromley waving.
‘Hi!’ I said, throwing my arms around him.
‘Kisses.’ He said, kissing me on the cheeks.
‘Alright Brommers?’ Bear said.
‘Oh hell-ohh Mr. Bear.’ Bromley said. His flamboyantly posh accent could only work for Bromley.
I frowned and looked at them. ‘You two know each other?’
‘We’re on the same course.’ Bear said.
‘You are?!’
‘Darling, did you not know what course I was doing?’ Bromley asked.
Suddenly very aware of just how self-centred it would make me look not to know these kinds of things about my friends I said, ‘No, no. I knew.’ Which I did. Kind of. ‘I just never put the two together. Isn’t it a massive course?’
‘Well, yes.’ Bear said. ‘But we do have overlap – we’re in the same year.’
‘Of course.’ I said. ‘So … how is the world of biological sciences?’
‘We do chemistry, dear.’ Bromley said, patting me on the head.
‘I’m so shit at remembering things.’
‘I know, you tell me the same stories repeatedly.’ Bear said.
‘And yet you laugh every time.’ He shrugged. ‘Drinks? I’ll buy for being so terribly rude.’ I said.
‘Oh darling, that’s not necessary. I’ll get them.’ Bromley offered. ‘Bear, beer?’
‘Go on then. Cheers.’ Bear said, holding up his beer.
I talked with Bear some more before Bromley returned with our drinks. ‘Ta, my love.’ I said, and we all talked and laughed until we had each bought a round and finished our drinks, leaving us quite tipsy.
‘Uh ohhhh.’ Bear said.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘Getting evils from the girlfriend, I should go talk to her.’
‘You should.’ I agreed.
‘Cheers for the chat guys.’ He said, and gave us a salute before crossing the room to where his girlfriend was sulking.
I shifted where I was facing so that I could watch him walk away. When he got to his girlfriend they had a silent mini-fight before he went to get them drinks and then took her to the dance floor.
‘Girlfriend?!’ Bromley said, watching me.
‘Huh? Oh, yeah. He has a girlfriend.’
‘Darling, he wasn’t acting like he had a girlfriend.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh don’t be daft, you know he was flirting with you.’
‘Was he?’
‘Quite blatantly, yes. Anyone can see that the two of you like each other.’
‘No, no, no. No more boys with girlfriends.’
‘Mm, indeed. Now, darling I need you to do something for me.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Go find out if that boy over there is gay.’
‘How am I suppose to do that?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Go stick your tongue in his mouth.’
I started to laugh. ‘Only because I love you.’
‘I’ll be here.’
I had never seen this boy before in my life. He was quite attractive, so I walked up and introduced myself.
‘Hi!’ He said, surprised.
‘I don’t think we’ve met, but I’ve seen you around college.’ I took a stab in the dark that he was actually from my college.
‘Yes, I’ve seen you around as well.’ Odd. Am I that self-involved that I fail to notice people around me? I wondered.
‘Enjoying yourself?’
‘I am, you?’
We continued talking like this, and I put my best flirting foot forward, laughing, touching his arm, the usual. This got boring quickly so I eventually just said, ‘I won’t lie, my friend has sent me over here to find out if you’re gay.’
He started laughing. ‘Really? Well, that’s very flattering, but no. I’m not gay.’
‘Oh really?’
‘Really. Shall I prove it?’
‘And how would you do that?’ He leaned in and kissed me. When he pulled away I pursed my lips and looked up. ‘Hm, not convinced.’ He laughed and kissed me again, putting his hands behind my neck as he did so. He pulled away and smiled.
‘Convinced now?’
‘I am. Thanks for that.’ I said, winking before I turned and walked back to Bromley. ‘Sorry, love. He’s not gay.’
‘I know. I saw.’ He said, scowling. ‘Good kisser?’
‘Decent, yes.’
‘Oh well! Too bad for me.’
‘At least you have me.’
‘This is true, shall we dance darling?’
‘Let’s!’
Bromley took my hand and led me onto the dance floor, joining Trinity, Goodge and Foster. This is when things begin to get a bit hazy. You see, I can drink copious amounts of alcohol without remembering that I have a severely delayed response to it, thus resulting in the inevitable moment when I am very suddenly absolutely trollied. I do remember laughing extremely hard as I danced with the boys, and occasionally catching the non-gay boy’s eye.
‘Who wants a drink?’ I shouted. Everyone did, so I volunteered to go to the bar as I typically was served much quicker than they were.
Or so I thought. I was stood at the bar for a few minutes being ignored by the bartender before I tapped the boy being served and asked if he would order my drinks for me. ‘No problem.’ He said, smiling.
A few moments later he turned and handed me the drinks. ‘Thank you so much.’ I said. ‘Here,’ I said, putting the drinks on the bar and reaching for my purse.
‘Don’t worry about it.’ He said.
‘Don’t be silly, I can’t let you buy all of that.’
‘You can, actually, and I insist.’
I frowned in disbelief, simultaneously smiling. ‘Well, thank you!’
‘My pleasure. One thing though,’ he said.
‘Yes?’
‘What’s your name?’ I told him. ‘Wicked. Nice to meet you.’
‘You too, thank you very much for the drinks.’
‘You’re very welcome.’
I smiled and walked back to the group. ‘That was so odd.’ I said, sipping my beer.
‘Hm?’ Bromley asked.
‘That boy over there just bought all these drinks for me.’
‘Do you have to suck him off now?’ Goodge asked.
‘Why do you always have to be so vulgar?’ I said, pinching him.
‘Ow!’ He said grabbing his arm. ‘Really, though. What did you give him in exchange?’
‘A smile.’ I said, smiling.
Trinity shook his head. ‘I never thought it possible to get by in life on charm and looks alone until I met you.’
‘Tis a gift.’ I said.
‘Cheers to that guy!’ Trinity said, holding his beer up.
‘To that guy!’ We all yelled, clinking bottles together.
Dale had rsvp’d to the event on Facebook saying that he would come, but luckily he never showed. Russ was there, and upon seeing me he had come and kissed me on the mouth, which had been our traditional greeting for some time now, even before we slept together. It was a lingering peck with no tongue. We talked briefly and then were separated for the rest of the night. At one point Al came up to me.
‘Alright, mate?’ He asked.
‘I am, thank you. How are you?’
‘Good, good.’
We talked about nothing in particular until I asked, ‘Are you going out after this?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’
Quickly surveying the scene in my head of my possibilities for the rest of the evening I considered my options, and at that very moment decided that, having slept with Al before, and knowing that he’s good in bed, meant that I should proposition him to go home with me, which I did probably about as subtly as a brick wall.
He took a deep breath, as if in deep deliberation. ‘Ahhh. Look, you know I think you’re gorgeous, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, Dale’s my best-‘
‘Mate, I know.’ I finished for him. ‘It’s fine.’
He laughed, and exhaled loudly as he shook his head, laughing some more. ‘I will probably regret it though.’
‘I don’t doubt that.’ I said, smiling at him and then kissing him on the cheek and heading back towards the boys. On my way I caught the eye of the boy I had kissed and he smiled at me. The boy he was talking to turned around and was none other than the boy who had bought me drinks. I gave a quick smile to both of them, and a stupidly useless wave before turning quickly and going back to Bromley. ‘I think I need to go home.’
‘I’m quite tired as well. Shall I walk you out?’
‘Please.’ I said, smiling.
‘Let’s go then.’
I kissed Bromley goodbye as soon as we were outside of my room. As I walked through the door I switched the light on and went to sit at my computer. I pulled my phone out and thought for a moment before dialling. I held my breath unintentionally as it rang.
After the second ring I heard, ‘HEL-LO!’ On the other end.
I laughed. Russ’ greeting just got louder and longer when he was drunk. ‘Alright mentalness?’
‘Where are you?!’
‘In my room.’
‘Why?!’
‘Because I’m drunk and tired.’
‘Come out!’
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m outside the club. They won’t let me back in though.’
‘So you were kicked out?’
‘No. They just won’t let me back in.’
I laughed. ‘You’re ridiculous.’
‘Are you coming?’
‘Probably not.’
‘Come onnnnn.’ He pleaded into the phone.
‘Maybe.’
‘See you soon!’
‘Okay.’ I said, still laughing.
I hung up and contemplated potential outcomes of going out before stripping out of my outfit and into my pyjamas. Sometimes too many options can be a bad thing, and when confronted with this kind of scenario I often choose to just leave.
Still, the night had been brilliant, and a good glimpse of what my life had once been – carefree and fun. Life was about to be very worrisome and boring, with revising and all, but at least that was the only thing I was worrying about. As I got into bed I laughed thinking about some of the better moments from the night with the boys, and at Bromley’s dancing. It was a welcome change from crying myself to sleep after nights out.
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