I stared at my ceiling, waiting for my phone to start buzzing and beeping with the alarm. I had been awake for around ten minutes, as having left my curtains wide open had ensured that I woke up once the room was filled with light. Luckily this occurred sometime around 5:48 in the morning. I refused to get out of bed before six, not wanting to face the terrible reality of the day ahead, which was essentially working from 6:30 to 3:30 in an attempt to finish (and when I say “finish” I mean “start”) an assignment that was due by four and worth a substantial percentage of one of my papers.
My phone began buzzing and ringing across the room and I wedged myself out of the arrangement of pillows and duvet around me. I like to sleep surrounded by pillows on both sides of me; it’s like sleeping in a giant down-filled, cloud-like hug. I picked up the pillow off the floor that had either gone rogue or been kicked away by me in the night and threw it on the bed before silencing my alarm. I sat at my desk in the world’s most uncomfortable chair and stared out the window, thinking of precisely nothing. This is why I set my alarm for six and plan to be productive by six-thirty, because in the mornings I’m like dial-up internet, I take forever to connect my brain to my body so that they can join forces and do whatever it is I have to get done. That’s the great thing about morning sex – it doesn’t take a lot of thinking, and your body can react to it like a 3G network.
After about fifteen minutes of staring blankly at the empty court of my college that my room looked out upon I finally got up out of the chair and started getting ready for the day.
Had I not been carrying an equal amount of books in my arms as I was in my rucksack, I may have literally collapsed backwards as I walked towards the college library. I passed the library itself and went for a room that few people knew about and that even fewer used. It had more comfortable chairs than the library and less offensive lighting so I spread my books out across the table and plugged my laptop in. I inhaled deeply, exhaling loudly as I opened my computer.
The day progressed stressfully and as such:
6:45: Read through all my notes and essays on the topic and realise I have a lot of information already typed out. Go to get a celebratory coffee.
7:15: Walking back into college I see Dale a bit ahead of me. He pretends not to see me and makes an immediate change of path.
7:20-7:30: I sit at my laptop, fuming over non-run-in with Dale as I drink my skinny latte.
7:31: Snap out of momentary rage and start working again.
9:00: Celebratory walk through college for finishing 1,000 words.
9:04: Immediately decide a walk is a bad choice since 1. I could run into Dale again and 2. I need 2,000-3,000 more words.
9:05: Minor panic attack at my laptop because those first 1,000 words were essentially just my notes more eloquently worded.
9:06: Realise that seven hours is more than enough time.
12:05: 2,500 words finished.
12:06: Panic that maybe seven hours wasn’t more than enough time as I struggle to find where the next 1,000 words are going to come from.
2:00: Five new sources read, 1,064 new words written.
2:05: Contemplate conclusion.
2:20: Still contemplating, and beginning to worry that I have no idea what I’ve just written about.
2:45: A conclusion is written, and sounds a bit pretentious, but that’s how my professor likes it. I hope.
3:20: Finally finish sorting out fucking references and bibliography. I hate details.
3:30: Finish printing out the assignment, shove it into my rucksack and bolt for the door.
3:40: Arrive at said professor’s college and sweet talk an A4 envelope out of the porter to put the assignment in. Write my name on the outside and ensure that it gets to the right pigeon hole behind the desk.
3:41: The porter has let me come behind the desk to verify that he has indeed placed it in the right slot.
3:52: After talking to the porter some more I leave.
I exhaled deeply as I stood outside of the college, my head tilted up towards the sun. The feeling of the sun across your face after having been locked inside, staring at a computer screen for nine hours straight is indescribable. I probably looked well strange just standing on the pavement, eyes closed with my head tilted towards the sky, but I didn’t care. I blew out a large amount of air, as if I had been holding my breath for a day and looked around, trying to figure out what to do. I got back on my bike and cycled back to my college.
Back in my room I discarded an item of clothing with each step from the door and grabbed my towel to wrap around myself for the walk across the hall to the shower. I stood in the shower with the water beating against my face and I felt as I had the moment I woke up, thoughtless. I had expended about a week’s worth of mental energy in nine hours and accepted that I wouldn’t be operating on all cylinders for awhile.
After the shower I sat at my desk in my towel for awhile, putting lotion on and still thinking of nothing. I glanced at the clock. It was almost six. I realised I hadn’t eaten all day, bar the latte I had in the morning, so I called Briony.
‘Hey, want to eat in hall tonight?’
‘Sure! Are you finished with your thingy?’
‘Yes, even turned it in fifteen minutes early.’
‘Yay! Oh that’s brilliant, we have to celebrate!’
‘Sure.’
‘I’ve got some wine in my room, do you want to come over now and have some?’
‘I had better eat first I think, want to meet at hall?’
‘Yes, sounds good, see you soon.’
I hate hall. I hate the food, I hate eating in front of everyone I know, I hate everything about it. On this day, however, I did not care. I had nothing to eat in my kitchen and didn’t feel like venturing outside of the gates of college.
Briony and I, not being regular hall diners, completely neglected to realise when hall actually was and thus ended up sitting outside of the dining area for twenty minutes, waiting for it to open. Which meant that we were the first to get in. Good, less people to run into. Wrong. Within fifteen minutes, every single one of my friends had piled into hall. Russ and Earl were the first to come in, and upon seeing me, Russ smiled and headed towards us with his food.
‘Alright, stranger? Are you lost? What are you doing here?’
‘I’m just about to go play some jazz piano – it’s part of a new programme in hall, entertainment with your meal.’
‘… Really?’ Russ asked.
‘No! God, you’re gullible.’
‘Well, I don’t know!’ He said, placing his tray in front of the chair across from mine.
‘I eat here … sometimes.’
‘More like never.’
‘That’s not true, I usually come in and get things that I can quickly take away.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t like eating with people.’
‘You’re well strange.’
‘I like drinking with people.’
He laughed. ‘Yes! What are you doing tonight? I’m well up for a night out.’
‘I don’t know. I just turned in a massive assignment and am completely dead.’
‘Congratulations! We have to go out. We have to celebrate.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe.’
‘Come on, it will be well fun.’
‘Maybe. I’m hanging out with Briony and Rose for a bit, what are you doing tonight?’
‘Watching the football, then probably going to the college bar, then out.’
‘I’ll come meet you after the football.’
‘Brilliant.’
At that moment Dale walked in with a group of friends. My heart did this weird thing where it seems to be in my throat, pumping so hard that I can feel it in my eyes. I focused on my conversation with my table.
‘We’re planning a holiday to the south of France in July.’ Earl said.
The words slowly registered in my mind before I put the information in my mental database together to say something relevant. ‘Really? I’m going to be in there in July as well, we should meet up!’
‘Definitely!’ Russ said. ‘Where are you going to be?’ I told them. ‘Us too! Earl’s family has a place there.’
‘You should come to stay.’ Earl offered.
‘Can I?’ I asked.
‘Yeah, definitely. There’s more than enough space.’
‘You have to come.’ Russ said.
I laughed. ‘I will, sounds brilliant.’
‘What about you Briony?’ Earl asked.
‘I can’t actually, I’ll be travelling as well.’
‘Travel to France then!’ Russ said.
‘I’ll be in America.’
‘A bit far then.’ Russ said.
I lost track of the conversation as I tried not to notice Dale’s every movement. He was walking across the hall and towards my table, and after not looking at me once, taking a detour around other tables as to avoid mine, he sat almost directly behind me. I was sure that everyone could see my heart beating in my jugular so I turned to Briony. ‘Can we go have that wine now?’ She nodded and smiled in agreement with the idea. I turned back to Russ. ‘We’re off, but I’ll see you at ten?’
‘Definitely.’
‘Bye.’
We called Rosie on our way back to Briony’s room and she agreed to come meet us.
‘He’s blatantly ignoring me.’ I said, sipping my wine, after recalling the day’s events with Dale.
‘He did the same thing to me!’ Rose said. ‘I was walking down the street yesterday and he was walking towards me on the pavement. I was just preparing to pleasantly nod in acknowledgement of his presence and guess what … he crossed the road!’
‘What?!’ I said.
‘I'm totally serious. He crossed the road to avoid me! He did that proper thing of clocking me, pretending he hadn't noticed, full on looking up in the air and whistling, and veered off into the road for no apparent reason. It was hilarious!’ She started laughing. ‘For some reason it makes me laugh every time I think about it. I looked like a complete spaz at the time because I was laughing as I walked to my lecture. There is something so,’ she paused to think, ‘narcissistic about his unnecessarily defensive paranoia. I mean, calm down. Not everyone is as immature as you, and not everyone lives in a Dalecentric world.’
‘I can’t believe that.’ I said.
‘Well,’ Briony started looking at me, ‘I wasn’t going to tell you this, but he did the same to me.’
‘You’re joking.’ I said, my face burning red with anger.
‘No, I saw him in college the other day. We had to walk straight past one another and he was carrying a big stack of books, so I looked right at him ready for the cursory nod, but he was like, head down I'm investigating my folders right now. There is something very interesting about them …’
We started laughing. Hard. Every time it seemed as if the laughing would subside we would look at each other and start laughing again.
‘I’m crying!’ I said, laughing so hard, crying from joy for the first time since I could remember.
Briony let out a shriek-like laugh that we had never heard from her before which made us laugh even harder.
‘I can’t breathe!’ I cried.
Once we calmed down we sat there catching our breath for a moment. ‘Phewww.’ Rosie said. Then turning to me, ‘Love, he is so immature.’
‘I know.’ I said, wiping the laughter tears from my eyes. ‘I’m starting to think that the person I thought he was is a lie and that this is the real him.’
‘I don’t think so.’ Briony said. ‘I mean, clearly this is a major character flaw, and I do think that you’re better off without him, but the two of you really liked each other. When you were together it was like … I don’t know … love, I guess. Remember when you guys were walking down the street singing? I don’t know anyone but the two of you who would belt out songs like the ones you were singing’ (they were a bit inappropriate, but in a hilarious way) ‘while walking down the street. You were like best friends, so I know this is hard, but the way he’s treating you isn’t right and you can do so, so, much better.’
Rose nodded and sipped her wine before holding up the glass and saying, ‘You can.’
‘I know.’ I said quietly.
There was a pause as they waited for the standard, “But I don’t want to do better.” But I left it at that.
‘Want to watch a movie?’ Briony asked.
‘What time is it?’
‘Ten thirty.’
‘Shit, I’m meant to meet Russ. Do you guys want to come out tonight?’
Rosie shook her head. ‘No.’ She said with eyes closed.
‘Yeah me neither.’ Briony said.
‘Boooo.’ I said, taking my last sip of wine. ‘Well, I will see you ladies tomorrow then.’
‘Goodbye, love.’ Rosie said, kissing the air.
‘Bye [my nickname here].’ Briony said.
I stopped by my room on the way to the JCR to grab a coat. I didn’t bother looking in the mirror, I knew I probably looked horrible. I headed to the bar and when I walked in no one was there. I frowned and called Russ.
‘Hell-oh?’ He said in his standard greeting.
‘Where are you?’
‘Drinking wine in my kitchen, come over.’
‘I thought we were meeting in the bar.’
‘Nah, we have drinks here.’
‘Okay see you in a second.’
I headed over and when I got into his kitchen I saw him and Pippa sitting at the table with two bottles of wine. ‘We got both because I know you hate red.’ Russ said.
‘No, I hate the college’s red, but thank you.’
‘Well it’s from the college, so good thing.’
I laughed. ‘Are you coming out?’ I asked, looking at Pippa.
‘Nnnno.’ She said, shaking her head.
‘Aww, why not?’
‘I can’t. I literally can’t.’
‘I don’t believe you. I think that you literally could come out if you wanted to.’
‘Fine, I don’t want to.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I have an essay due!’
‘She just finished one of those!’ Russ said pointing at me. ‘I’m taking you out! We have to go out.’
I laughed and sat down at the table, pouring myself a glass of white. ‘Where are we going then?’
‘Cam is at a pub but then we’re meeting him at a club.’
‘Cool.’
We finished the wine and, failing convincing Pippa to come with us, left for the club. When we walked up Cam was standing outside with a girl. He saw Russ and did a head-nod kind of greeting, and as his cigarette hung out of his mouth he said, ‘Mate, the line is ridiculous.’
‘I don’t care, let’s just go.’ Russ said.
‘No, like, I spoke to the bouncers and we’ll be out here for an hour.’
‘Ughhhh.’ Russ said, his head falling back as he looked up at the sky. He turned to me. ‘What do you want to do?’
I shrugged. ‘Don’t mind really. I’d rather not stand outside not drinking for an hour though.’
‘Exactly.’ Cam said. ‘I’ve got drinks back at mine, let’s go back to college.’
‘We just walked from there!’ Russ said.
‘Mate. It’s not far.’ Cam said, his cigarette still in place.
We headed back to college and to Russ’ room. It was clear that Cam was trying to pull the girl he was with and once we were in Russ’ room and realised we had no alcohol Cam offered to go fetch some from his room. He needed his female friend for assistance, of course.
‘They’re not coming back, are they?’ I said as soon as they left.
‘Probably not.’ Russ agreed.
‘Let’s listen to music.’
‘Yeah!’ He said a bit too enthusiastically.
We alternated choosing songs, dancing around his room to each one. Finally we stopped. ‘Should we just text Cam saying to bring us alcohol and then we’ll leave him alone?’ I asked.
‘He just texted me,’ Russ said looking at his phone, ‘he’s coming back.’
‘Brilliant.’ I had the thought momentarily that I didn’t actually want Cam to come back because I was having such a good time with Russ, but then forgot about it.’
‘Ladies,’ Cam said, bursting through the door, holding up two bottles of Moet as he entered.
‘Where in the hell did you get those?’ I asked.
‘My dad gave them to me.’
‘And you want to drink them now?’
‘Why not?’
I shrugged. Russ turned to me, ‘We’re celebrating for you!’
I laughed. ‘Can I pop the cork then?’
‘You can do whatever you like, darling.’ Cam said.
I climbed on Russ’ desk in order to open the window and angled the bottle so that I could get the cork out of it. I twisted the cork twice and edged it out with my thumb the rest of the way until it made a loud popping sound and the cork went flying across college. We all started cheering and laughing.
We finished off the bottle as we laughed and danced around Russ’ room. I hadn’t remembered being this happy in awhile.
Russ excused himself to go to the bathroom and while I searched through his iTunes for songs Cam and his friend began snogging. I pretended to be interested in the computer, as if I didn’t see what was happening behind me, and was thankful when Russ burst back into the room and I didn’t have to be the awkward third wheel.
‘We’re going to go grab something from my room.’ Cam said, and left with his lady friend.
‘Now they’re really not coming back.’ I said.
‘I know.’ Russ said.
‘Should we open this other bottle?’
‘Definitely.’
We definitely should not have, but we did anyway, both standing on his desk and popping the cork deep into the darkness of the college, laughing as we sipped the bottle that was overflowing with bubbles. We jumped off of the desk and kept dancing a bit before we were dancing together, then dancing closely together, then kissing.
We stopped dancing and just stood there kissing each other. Soon we were on his bed, kissing each other. We would stop every minute or so, look at each other and laugh, then go back to kissing.
‘Do you remember the last time we hooked up?’ I asked, on one of our moments up for air.
‘Of course. Why didn’t we go home together then?’
‘It looked like you wanted to go home with someone else.’
‘Really? Because I didn’t.’ He said, furrowing his eyebrows.
‘It doesn’t matter.’ I said, laughing.
We kept kissing and then soon his shirt was off, then mine was off, then his trousers were off, and then my skirt was off and we were down to our pants. I pulled away for a moment. ‘Do you have a condom?’
‘Yeah!’ He said enthusiastically and I laughed.
‘I think you should get it.’ I said, kissing him.
‘Okay!’
As he got up to get a condom I took off the little bits of clothes I still had on and he came back and got on top of me, kissing me and running his hand through my hair. ‘Are you sure?’
I kissed him back. ‘Yes.’
The best thing about sleeping with someone you know so well is that you can laugh and talk throughout having sex, whilst simultaneously seeing a side of someone you’ve never known before. One of my favourite parts about having sex is what people will confess to you in the heat of the moment.
‘I’ve thought about this for awhile, you know.’ Russ said.
‘I do know.’
He laughed. ‘Oh really?’
‘So have I.’ I said, kissing him.
‘Oh REALLY?’ He asked.
‘I have. Why didn’t we do this sooner?!’
He laughed. ‘I don’t know.’ He said, kissing me.
‘This is just so much … fun!’ I said.
He laughed again and kissed me. ‘You are an absolute nutter.’
Despite inebriation levels, we had a fantastic time. It sounds strange, but sometimes you have expectations for people and he definitely exceeded mine. Not that they were low to begin with, but we had an unexpected chemistry together and if nothing else it made me believe that I was capable of connecting with other people, as I had with Dale, again.
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