Rude Awakenings

I knocked on Goodge’s door, hoping he was awake.

He wasn’t.

One eye closed, the other squinting at me, he stood there in his boxers. ‘Alright?’

‘Oh, sorry! I thought you’d be awake.’

‘It’s eight in the morning.’

‘I know. Sorry.’

‘It’s okay, wouldn’t be the first time you’ve woken me up this week.’

‘Huh?’

‘You and your gentleman friend pretty much woke everyone up the other night.’

My face burned bright red. ‘Oh. Sorry about that.’

‘Next time you have guests, tell them not to slam the door to the toilet.’

‘Oh!’ I said, a bit relieved that he wasn’t referring to the noise coming from my bedroom. ‘I thought you were going to say that something else woke you up.’

‘Yeah, I heard that too, but only when I got up to go to the toilet and had to walk past your room.’ My face went rouge again. ‘Who was your victim this time?’

‘No one.’

‘It was Grey, wasn’t it?’

‘No.’

‘Russ?’

‘No.’

‘RG?’

‘Stop guessing! I’m not going to tell you, you probably don’t even know him.’

‘Then why don’t you just tell me who it was?’

‘Because I don’t want to!’

‘You sounded like you were getting a right pounding in there, I bet it was RG. Russ doesn’t have the strength to go at it like that.’

I gawked at him, ‘Can we stop talking about this?!’

‘Just tell me who it was.’

‘No. I’m going to the canteen for breakfast, do you want to come?’

‘Are you going to tell me who took you to pound town?’

‘Goodbye, dickhead.’

‘Later, love.’

Goodge and I were put on the same hall this year and had both come back early from holiday. Luckily half of our hall wasn’t back yet, so I was hoping knowledge of my eventful evening would be kept quiet.

No such luck.

I was sitting with Foster, Dill and T3 in the canteen, almost finished with breakfast, when Goodge sat next to us.

‘You guys should’ve heard this one going at it the other night,’ he said, sitting down and indicating towards me with his head.

‘Would you shut up about that already?’

‘Oooooh,’ Foster said. ‘Who was it then? Tell us.’

‘No.’

‘Telll usssss,’ Foster tried again.

‘I’m not going to tell you! Fuck off.’

‘It was RG.’ Goodge said.

It wasn’t. ‘Could have been,’ I shrugged. I had already slept with him, so might as well use him to throw off the others.

‘Or Grey,’ Goodge continued.

‘It wasn’t Grey.’ I said, pushing the food around on my plate.

‘Good, he’s a dickhead.’ Dill said.

‘I like Grey,’ Foster said.

‘Shut up.’ I retorted.

‘We’re not allowed to like him anymore,’ Goodge chimed in.

‘What, because he dumped her?’ Foster asked.

‘That is, like, the rule.’ T3 said in his broken English. It was the first time I had heard him speak in about ten minutes.

‘Thanks,’ I said.

‘That’s bollocks. I liked Grey.’ Foster said.

‘Yeah I liked him too until he dumped me.’ I said.

‘Is it because you never gave him head?’ Goodge asked. Then, surveying everyone’s reactions he added, ‘Too soon? Is that too soon?’

‘Nah, it’s fine. And it’s true, I do not give head.' I paused, 'I did once,’ I said, thinking out loud.

‘Maybe that’s where you’re going wrong.’ Dill offered. 'You need to give more head.'

‘Noted.’ I said. It was an interesting observation. Of the last five men I have slept with, four of them have asked me to give them head.

“No.”

“Why not?” AB/Fox/RG/Tiger had asked.

“I just don’t like doing that.”

“Oh. Okay.” Had always been the answer.

‘Why don’t you like giving head?’

‘I don’t see why blowjobs should be such a given. It’s just not my go-to move in bed. It seems a lot more intimate than sex for some reason. Eventually I will find a guy I like enough to perform oral sex on. But until then, I’ll stick to what I like.’

‘Being pounded?’ Goodge offered.

‘Can you use any other verb please?’

‘Fine, being pumped.’

‘Ugh. You are so inappropriate sometimes.’ He put his hands in the air and shrugged. ‘Anyway, I’m off to the library.’

‘Why?’ T3 asked.

‘To do some work.’

‘Oh.’ T3 said.

‘Why, what are you doing today?’

‘We’re gonna play some football then go to the pub to watch the game.’ Dill said.

‘Sounds like a riot.’ I said, with feigned enthusiasm. ‘Maybe I’ll come meet you in the pub later.’

‘Yeah, do.’ Dill said, then told me which pub they’d be in. He didn’t really have to do that, they always went to the same pub and I was confident I could find them there on any given game day.

WHAT GOODGE WAS REFERRING TO:

My first night back at college I pretty much just stayed in, watching BBC iPlayer and being lazy. Word got out that I was back and the next day I had a facebook message from a friend in college, a text from Russ, and a missed call and voicemail from Cam all demanding I meet them in the bar that evening.

I had been feeling obese from all the eating and drinking from Christmas, but had been sober for a week and thought it wouldn’t hurt to have a quiet one with some close friends.

One quiet drink turned into a reunion booze-fest in the college JCR. Everyone I had ever known in college was there and it was decided early on that we would head out once the bar shut.

I had been sitting between Cam and Russ when Cam got up and another guy I had seen around, but never met, took his place.

‘Hey, I’m Al.’ Short for Alsatian. Don’t know why he’s that breed of dog, he just seems like an Al.

‘Hello,’ I said, and we conversed a bit before I turned my attention back towards Russ, who I hadn’t seen in weeks.

The rest of the night gets a bit hazy from there. I hadn’t had much to eat, because after weeks of home cooking and having people prepare everything for me I was a bit useless at providing for myself. Thus, multiple drinks on an empty stomach lead to me dancing like a fool and kissing everyone I saw.

I do love a good snog.

The night was a good laugh, but for the life of me I cannot remember how I ended up in a cab with Al. I believe we had agreed to share a cab home, and once we were back in college I must have offered him a cup of tea or something because one way or another we ended up at mine.

As with most offers to make people tea in the early hours of the morning, it didn’t happen. Instead we were in bed, making noise for the entire floor to hear.

Al was extremely good in bed. I seem to be having luck lately with talented partners. Judging by the amount of condom wrappers I picked up off of the floor the next day, we had a lot of sex. It was pretty much a 10-hour period of sex-sleep-sex-talk-sleep-talk-sex-sex-sleep-sex-talk/goodbyes.

Around our last go at it, Al looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Hello, beautiful.’

I laughed. A bit late for ‘hellos’ really. ‘Hi’

‘I’m knackered,’ he said.

He looked knackered. He was sweating and we had been having sex for about fifteen minutes when he rolled over and passed out again.

I woke up a few hours later, wrapped around Al. The centre of my bed had a distinct V-shape from me sleeping in one place all the time, and both of us had merged into each other mid-sleep. Boys always look so peaceful and innocent when they’re sleeping. I had put clothes on, but Al was still naked. I put my arm around his waist and we fell asleep for a bit longer before waking up and engaging in some hungover conversation. It was after midday, so it was only appropriate to say our farewells.

Once Al had left I considered doing something with my day, then ended up falling asleep until early evening. I eventually got up and showered. Then I stripped the bed and washed my sheets, put said sheets back on the bed, watched a movie, and then went back to sleep. Exciting day!

I woke up the next morning and started to clean my room, only to discover that Al had left some of his belongings behind. I hadn’t asked for his phone number and I was too lazy to find him on Facebook, so I put it aside and resolved to just see him around college eventually. I also discovered that Al had left something else behind. On me. I had stepped out of the shower and after wiping the mirror with my towel noticed a purple mark on my neck.

‘Uhhhh,’ I sighed. ‘Dickhead.’ I whispered to myself. A flash of him biting me came back. It hurt then, and it certainly hurt the day after. I have a sensitive neck, what? I think he also bit me on my jaw because that hurt as well. I’m not a biter, nor am I a huge fan of biting, so I was less than impressed by this discovery.

I wrapped a scarf around my neck and made my way down the corridor to see if Goodge wanted to get some breakfast with me in the canteen.