(I was going to put the New Order video in, but it was giving me seizures, so I went with this more relaxed, jazzy version. It manages to convey the message without the epileptic side effects.)
Moving on ...
I have multiple personalities. Not in a schizophrenic kind of ‘I’m William McToffyPot’ one day and ‘Matilda Irons’ the next kind of way. Perhaps ‘roles’ is a better word than ‘personalities.’ The point is, when my objectives change, my mannerisms do as well. And quite drastically.
Who I am as a student, an athlete, a shag, and a girlfriend are all vastly different people. The latter two are the only ones really relevant to this blog though, so I’ll elaborate on those.
Despite having a great physical connection with Al, he was a bit quiet and not all that interesting. I realised this when we were sat across from each other in a circle of friends having a conversation. I was sat next to Dale and was far more entertained by him. Meeting someone whom I’ve been immediately drawn to for whatever reason has only happened about three times in my life prior to meeting Dale, and I was in love with all of them. Must be a chemistry thing. Anyhow, for whatever reason I found myself speaking only to Dale most of the night. Once we all decided to head to our respective rooms I walked out with Dale and he walked me to my room in college.
‘Well, bye.’ I said, feeling slightly awkward.
‘Bye.’ He said and we paused for a moment before kissing each other on the cheek.
The next night it was much the same. We sat together in a group of friends, excluding everyone else from our conversation. When he walked me home that night we had a brief kiss on the mouth. Why is it that when I am actually interested in someone I act like a twelve year-old?
We decided to go on a date a few days later and went to dinner. We had a great time and get along just as well one-on-one as we do in a group, largely because us being in a group is essentially chaperoned one-on-one time. We then went back to his room in college to watch a film. And “watch a film” isn’t a euphemism for anything. We literally just watched a film. I then decided to head back to mine and he decided to walk me back just in case the big bad creepers around college got me on my two minute walk home or something. When we got to my door we kissed again, a bit longer this time. And by longer, I mean a lingering peck. The irony of my shyness when I’m dating someone isn’t lost on me.
Finally, we had lunch together the next day and then headed to the local near our college to have a pint. We ended up there for a couple hours just talking about everything and anything. I don’t remember much about what we talked about, I mainly just remember laughing whenever we’re together.
We decided to head back to college as we both had work to get through. As we stepped outside the January cold snap hit us like a ton of bricks. Instinctively I stepped closer towards Dale and he grabbed my hand. We walked back to college hand in hand, discussing dinner plans and the workload ahead. As we approached the college a friend was walking towards us. I instinctively released my grip on his hand, but he continued to hold mine. Our friend came nearer and I closed my hand back around his. After some small talk we continued on our way. He needed to go to the library and I needed to go to my room, so we kissed and parted ways.
And that was literally the extent of my “relationship” for the first week I was with Dale. Entirely because I’m such a spastic when I start to like someone. It took me a month to kiss Grey, so at least this is progress.
I was in the bar with RG later that evening.
‘Did you think it was strange that I remained friends with Grey while we were sleeping together?’
He put his wine down and thought for a second. ‘No, not really.’
‘Really?’
‘I didn’t really think of it much.’
‘If we were dating would you find it strange?’
‘Probably not, no.’
‘Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?’
‘I don’t have that many exes, but I suppose I still speak to them.’
‘If I started dating someone and they didn’t know about Grey do you think I would need to tell them?’
‘Not necessarily.’
We sipped our drinks. RG had always been more of a friend than a casual shag. When we stopped sleeping together we seamlessly slipped back into what our relationship had previously been – platonic friendship. We still flirt, but honestly I don’t see us sleeping together again. But never say never, hey?
We ceased the boring exes chat and talked about rugby.
Before I began dating Dale I had a minor panic attack about what to do about Al. I had incredible sex with the guy twice and then started to like one of his friends. Did I owe it to him to give him warning about Dale? Did I want to give him a chance to intervene? Did I want him to intervene even? I made a quick pros and cons list in my mind when it came to Dale and Al. Dale’s only con was that he was a friend of Al’s. Al’s biggest con was that he reminded me of every ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had – mostly of Grey though. “Hi, I’m a red flag.”
In the end, the fact of the matter is that aside from propositioning me during the late hours of the night, Al had been broody and aloof otherwise. Oh and he snogged another girl in front of me the week after we slept together for the first time. When I spend time with Dale, the love triangle becomes more of a duo with a bit of a hidden past on my part. Does Dale know about Al? Not as far as I’m aware. Will he find out? Who knows. Am I having fun? Yes. And that’s all that matters. I decided to do the mature thing and ignore the situation until it was absolutely necessary for me to address it. The situation arose much sooner than I anticipated.
The other night there was a party a friend of ours was throwing in college that pretty much everyone I was close to would all be attending. Early in the night I was hanging out with Foster, Goodge, Trinity, and Trinity’s girlfriend in my kitchen.
‘Heard you’ve got a new man.’ Goodge said.
‘From who?’
‘I have my sources.’
‘Yeah I’m kind of seeing Dale I guess.’
‘He’s a cool guy, you’re allowed to bring him along in the future when you hang out with us.’ This is pretty much the closest thing to a compliment Goodge will ever muster.
‘Ta.’
‘Ooh, who is Dale?’ Trinity’s girlfriend asked. She’s one of the only girlfriends of a friend I’ve ever actually liked, or whom I’ve actually considered to be a good friend of mine as well. When Trinity is busy with work she’ll often call me and we’ll go to the cinema or to dinner. We’ll usually drink too much and talk about boys and family and life in general. She’s absolutely lovely. I’ll call her Kate.
‘I just met him two weeks ago actually, which is odd considering he’s in our college and we have a lot of mutual friends.’
‘I met him the first week of the first term.’ Foster said.
‘Yeah, me too.’ Goodge said.
‘Fine, well I’ve never seen him around.’
‘He’s always in college.’ Foster said.
‘Always.’ Goodge agreed.
‘Whatever, point is Kate,’ I said, directing my full attention at her and ignoring the others, ‘that I met him last week and we pretty much started dating immediately.’
‘What about A–’ I shot her a look as if to say No! I hadn’t told the Tube Stops about Al, only Kate one night when we were in the bar together waiting for Trinity to get back.
Oblivious to what we were talking about, the boys continued talking about where to watch the football match at the weekend.
I mouthed They don’t know to Kate and she nodded.
‘Have we finally figured out who the mystery man from the other week is then?’ Goodge asked.
‘Was it Dale?’ Foster added.
‘No, that was someone else.’
‘Who?’
‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘Tell us!’ Foster demanded.
‘No, I don’t think I will. Besides, I’m completely over that. It’s old news now.’
My phone buzzed. It was Dale.
Want to come around mine for drinks before the party? There are a couple people coming by xx
‘Is that the boyfriend?’ Goodge teased.
‘It is. I have to go.’
‘Here we go again. See you in six months.’ Foster said.
‘That is so not how I am.’
‘Really?’ Foster said, raising his eyebrows. ‘We didn’t see you for a month when you started seeing Grey.’
‘Don’t be daft, you’re going to see me in half an hour at this party.’
‘Probably attached at the hip to Dale.’
‘Not the point.’
‘Whatever. See you later, bender.’
‘How does me, a girl, dating a boy make me a bender?’
‘Whatever!’ Foster said, exasperated.
‘Bye dickheads. And Kate.’
‘Byeee.’ They said collectively.
I made my way across college to Dale’s room. I knocked on the door. He opened it and greeted me with ‘Alright?’ and a kiss. No one inside saw I’m pretty sure. The beginnings of relationships are always quite awkward. Are we telling people? Are we keeping this secret? Have you told people? Should I not have told people? Ah, the angst!
I walked in and sat down next to a friend of ours. His name shall be Langdon (short for Langdon Grove tube stop). For no other reason other than I liked the sound of it.
**Sidenote** My system of naming people goes thus:
Boys I Sleep With and/or Date – Named after dogs. Not in a ‘Oh he’s such a dog’ kind of way. More in a ‘I #@$%ing love dogs!’ kind of way. I like boys, I love dogs, thus the endearing association.
Boys I am Platonically Friends With – Named after London Tube Stops. Why? Because there are many of them and allow for clever names such as Russ, Barking, Goodge, Foster … you get the point. I abbreviate them naturally.
Girls – Named after girls. I don’t care enough to get creative with girls’ names because they aren’t the focus of this blog.
I occasionally just make up names on the spot, as you’ll see later in the post. And sometimes just merely name them [something relevant here] Boy. So really, I have no system.
**End Sidenote**
Langdon was a bit of a miserable bastard to be completely frank. He liked to whinge and moan about everything. He’s a complete arse, but to be fair he doesn’t pretend to be anything else, and for that I respect and like him.
I was sat next to Langdon, and across from Paddi who was unfortunately good friends with Dale as well. I knew it would hurt his feelings to know I was dating Dale, but I have to be selfish every now and then. No one at the party seemed to have a clue as to what was happening, but they certainly would by the end of the night.
‘Why are you hovering over everyone? Why don’t you come sit down?’ I asked Dale.
‘Oh yeah, ‘course.’ He said and came to sit in between Langdon and I.
Dale and I then proceeded to engage in what I call social occlusion, speaking only to each other for about ten minutes. Realising he was being a bad host, he turned to the group, got everyone another round of drinks from his mini fridge and then resumed speaking to only me. We eventually stopped being completely antisocial and joined the rest of the conversation. After copious amounts of beer and wine we decided to head to the party.
We stepped outside and I immediately began complaining about the cold, as I do. Dale wrapped his arm around me. ‘Come on then, it’s not that far.’
‘I know. I just wish I had chose an outfit more conducive to the weather.’ Leggings and a strapless dress was a bad choice. At least I had a large coat and warm scarf for the walk.
‘I don’t know, I’m quite fond of what you’re wearing.’ Dale said. I looked up at him and smiled. He ran his arm down my back and to my side to grab my hand. I quickly glanced around to see if anyone else in the group had seen. I don’t know what makes me so self-conscious when it comes to public displays of affection, but generally I’m not a fan.
As we approached where the party was I noticed a group of people standing outside, smoking and talking. Al was one of them. My hand twitched slightly and Dale took that to mean that he should tighten his grip. I saw another friend of mine in the group whom I hadn’t seen in ages. I squeezed Dale’s hand and said, ‘I’ll be right back.’ Releasing his grip before Al had seen us I made my way over towards my friend.
‘Hello, stranger.’
He turned around and laughed to himself when he saw who it was. ‘Alright? Where have you been then?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I never see you around anymore.’
‘Are you joking? I’m always around, it’s probably because you’re always training or whatever.’ Every term he was involved in some form of blues sport.
‘True. Where are you off to tonight then? You’re looking pretty.’
‘In a large coat and scarf?’
‘You look pretty no matter what you wear, I’m sure what’s underneath that isn’t bad either.’
I blushed slightly. ‘Thank you. We’re going to this party. Aren’t you coming?’
‘Can’t. I have training in the morning.’
‘My point exactly. Just come in for a bit, you don’t have to drink to go to a party. Besides, it’s early. Are you honestly going to bed right now?’
‘I guess not, I could come in for a bit.’
‘Let’s go. I don’t even know why I’m outside. I don’t smoke and it’s freezing.’
I noticed that Al and Dale were talking to each other. Dale noticed me and waved. Al, looking broody as ever, stared me right in the eyes and gave me a look as if to say, “Yes, I have seen you naked and yes, I am undressing you in my mind right now.” I gave a bit of a nervous laugh, then a stupid wave, and then did what any mature person would do, turned and walked in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.
I spotted my Blues Buddy by the drinks and walked over. ‘Whoa, take it easy with that stuff, you’ve got training, remember?’
He laughed as he continued pouring himself a generous portion of orange juice in a pint glass. ‘So how’s the course going?’
‘It’s going. This term is going to be mental though. I have so much work to do.’
‘Tell me about it. I am seriously wondering what I was doing with my life last term.’
‘I think it’s actually pretty well documented on facebook. My favourite night was probably when you dressed as a police officer and tried to arrest the bartender.’
He laughed. ‘Yeah, nothing could have gone wrong with that idea.’
‘I think you got a free drink out of it actually.’
‘Did I? I barely remember anything.’
‘You definitely did, because I immediately took it from you.’
He laughed, ‘Of course you did.’
‘It was in your best interest.’
‘It probably was.’
A large group entered the room and Dale and Al entered together, still talking. Al caught my eye before Dale saw me and I turned back to Blues Buddy. ‘How’s the love life? Still breaking hearts?’
He laughed, ‘What are you talking about? Me? I’d never!’
‘Yeah sure,’ I said sipping my drink. I had never slept with Blues Buddy, but our rooms were in close enough proximity that I had seen the busy traffic going in and coming out of his room on the weekends. ‘You’re a total angel.’
‘That’s what my mum tells me at least.’
I laughed. ‘Can’t really argue with that at the moment, seeing as you’re at a party drinking orange juice.’
‘See? I told you. I’m well behaved.’ I gave him a suspicious look and he laughed. ‘You can’t prove anything!’ He added.
‘I don’t post all my pictures on facebook you know.’
‘Oh dear.’
‘I’m joking, your secrets are safe with me.’
‘Cheers, love.’ He looked around for a moment and then said, ‘I think I’m going to take off.’
‘You just got here. And you’ve only spoken to me.’
‘Is that a bad thing? I don’t think I know anyone else here actually.’
‘What?’ I said, turning to look around. ‘Sure you do. And if you don’t then you definitely need to get out more.’
‘I see a couple familiar faces, but I’m absolutely cream crackered. I need to do some work as well.’
‘Fine, boring.’
‘I know, promise I’ll make it out again soon though.’
‘Can you bring the handcuffs?’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Kinky!’
‘I was thinking more along the lines of it could get you more free drinks, but I also doubt that any girl would mind being handcuffed to you for the night. You’re so pretty!’ I said, pinching his cheeks. ‘Just don’t forget the key.’
He laughed. ‘Alright, love. I’m off.’
‘Bye, good luck with training.’
‘Cheers.’ We kissed on the cheek and he left.
I turned towards the drinks table and grabbed the orange juice. Unlike Blues Buddy I wasn’t about to drink it straight, so as I contemplated what to mix with it I felt a hand run around my waist and looked up to see Dale. ‘There you are!’
I smiled and he leaned down to kiss me. I stood on my tip toes to meet him halfway. It wasn’t like those random couples you see drunkenly snogging in the corner of a party, it was brief, yet sweet and affectionate at the same time. I ignored all the glances in our direction. ‘Drink?’
‘Is there any beer?’
‘Yeah I think there’s some in that mini fridge over there.’
‘Wicked.’ He went to get a beer and I poured some rum into my glass of orange juice. Dale returned to my side, wrapped his hand around my waist and we walked through the party. Considering just over a week earlier I had barely known Dale, the rate at which our relationship had accelerated probably surprised me as much as it had everyone else.
Throughout the night we’d alternate between talking to each other, separating to talk to other people, reuniting and kissing, talking some more, dancing, kissing again. If no one knew we were together, they certainly did now.
Dale had gone off to the toilet or something and RG came up to me. ‘Alright darlin? Looking beautiful as ever.’
‘Thank you. You’re not looking so bad yourself.’
‘I do consider myself to be quite beautiful, so thank you.’ He replied sarcastically.
I laughed. RG was many things, beautiful was not one of them though. “Rugged” and “handsome” yes, but he was far from a pretty boy. ‘What’s happening then?’
‘Not much, how have you been?’
‘I’ve been fine.’ At this point I wasn’t actually sure that RG had noticed Dale and I. ‘Busy, but fine.’
‘Yeah, I’ve been seeing less of you around the JCR lately. I miss our night caps!’
I smiled. I was becoming less certain that he was aware of my new relationship status. ‘Well I’m here now aren’t I?’
‘This is true, and good thing too, it isn’t easy finding someone as engaging as you to talk to.’
Why was he using cheesey lines on me? Was it not just a few days earlier that we were discussing exes and dating? I suppose I’m not that surprised really. Had I not been involved with someone at that moment I probably would have ended up with RG that evening, but that wasn’t the case so I kept our conversation as platonic as possible. The party was getting quite crowded and as I was talking to RG, Al came up to us.
‘Alright?’
‘Alright, mate.’ RG said. Of course they would be friends.
‘Hi.’ He said, turning to me.
‘Hello.’ I knew he had seen Dale and I. It didn’t change the fact that I still had no idea how to handle the situation.
‘I got your text the other day, sorry I didn’t reply. It was really funny. Made me laugh, so thanks.’ Al said. I had sent him some message earlier in the week about a private joke we had together but having never received a response I took that to be further evidence that he wasn’t that interested in me.
We stood there talking and laughing for a bit before I realised I needed another drink. ‘Would you like another drink?’ I asked Al.
‘Sure. Beer?’
‘No problem.’ I turned to RG. ‘You?’
‘Nah, I just got one, ta.’ He said, winking at me.
‘Right then. I’ll be back.’
I walked to where the drinks were and poured myself a vodka tonic. As I walked towards the fridge where the beer was I spotted Dale out in the hallway with a girl I knew from college. I didn’t know her too well, but she was nice and we had talked a few times. It looked as if they were fighting, but I couldn’t hear them so I had no idea what it was about. Not bothered, I grabbed a beer and headed back to where Al was. ‘Here you go,’ I said, handing him the tin.
‘Cheers.’
We stood there drinking for a moment in silence. If ever there was an opportunity to casually drop into conversation that I was now dating Dale and that yes I was aware they were friends beforehand and that I was sorry if things were a bit awkward, it was at that very moment. Al looked at me as if waiting for me to say something. I inhaled. ‘So … feeling better this week? I know you were a bit ill last week.’ Damn.
He perked up a bit, ‘Yeah, much better, thanks. I don’t know what that was.’
‘It seemed to be going around quite a bit.’
We continued talking about random things like the flu and football and I realised that really nothing had to be said between us. It would just be blowing something casual massively out of proportion, and if Al had been all that torn up over it he probably would have found a way to casually drop that into conversation. Or maybe not. Either way, we were doing the healthy thing and burying it all deep inside. A couple other friends of ours joined in the conversation and a few minutes later Dale returned and came up us.
‘Hey! Everything okay?’ I asked.
Dale rolled his eyes and exhaled, exasperated. ‘That girl is mental.’ He paused. ‘I need to tell you something.’
Conversations that begin with “I need to tell you something” have rarely gone well in my past. We turned away from the group and I asked, ‘What is it?’
‘Well, she’s upset because she saw us together.’
‘Why would she be upset?’
‘We hooked up once, but that was ages ago. It’s not as if we were dating or anything, but I just wanted to tell you what was going on so you didn’t get the wrong idea or anything. She’s properly mental, she is.’
‘Aren’t we all?’ I asked. He smiled and kissed me. ‘Don’t worry about it, let’s just enjoy the party.’
‘I told her that we’re dating now. I hope that’s okay.’
I smiled, ‘Yes, that’s okay.’
He grabbed my hand and we walked back towards the group. It seemed I wasn’t the only one with a bit of a love triangle. As we stood there laughing and having a good time I was slightly relieved that I didn’t make a big deal out of things with Al. Though I doubt it would have ended as things with Dale and his friend had, Al doesn’t strike me as the shouting, dramatic type. Yet another reason that I’m grateful that I date and sleep with boys and not girls … saves me a whole lot of drama.
As the alcohol began to run out people began talking about where to head off to next. Having had one of the longest weeks ever I looked at Dale and said, ‘I’m exhausted.’
‘I’m well tired.’ He agreed. ‘Want to go back to mine?’
‘Sure.’ I said. We got our coats and left, walking hand in hand back to his room.
It wasn’t far, but it felt like it took ages. I was flagging quite rapidly. When we got into his room he looked at me. ‘You look knackered.’
‘I feel knackered.’ He kissed me on the forehead.
‘Need something to wear?’
‘Yeah, a shirt or anything would be good.’
He rummaged through a drawer. ‘Ah, here. It’s one of my favourites.’
I laughed. ‘Looks comfy, thanks.’
I put it on and then got into bed. Dale followed shortly and as I was quickly fading he ran his hands through my hair. ‘Is it okay if I fall asleep?’ I asked, my eyes already closed.
He laughed quietly. ‘Of course.’ I opened my eyes and tilted my head towards him for a kiss. He kissed me and then I turned towards him and we wrapped ourselves around each other before falling asleep.
Yorum Gönder