Lately

I think it was when Grey called me early on a Saturday morning that I knew things needed to end.

“Your phone is ringing.” I opened one eye to see Rugby Guy (haven’t figured out a better name for him, but he’s essentially also Rebound Guy, and not to be confused with Rugby Blue – they are not the same) holding my phone up so I could see. Grey’s picture being shoved in my face as I was half asleep and naked next to someone was the last thing I needed. I grabbed the phone, ignored the call, and dropped the phone off the side of the bed. 

I stared at the ceiling, mindlessly twirling my hair.

“Who was that?” RG asked.

“Hm?” I said, tilting my head towards him.

“On the phone.”

“Oh. No one.” I rolled over and propped myself up on my elbows. “It was no one.” He ran his hand through my hair and kissed me. I smiled and kissed him back as he rolled me back over and got on top of me.

I looked up at him and started laughing. “What?”

“You should really switch to white wine … you’ve got a nice maroon tint going on right here.” I said, kissing him. “Not your best colour actually.”

“Noted.” He said and we spent the rest of the morning in bed laughing and fooling around.

After RG had left I stayed in bed dozing, only to be interrupted by Grey calling me again. I stared over the bed at his image on my phone as it buzzed around the floor, making no attempt to reach for it.

One Week Earlier:

My phone rang as I was cycling back from the library. Grey’s ringtone interrupted the song I was listening to and I clicked the button on my headphones to answer. “Hi,” I said, out of breath from the icy air.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Cycling.”

“Want to come over and watch tv?”

“I can’t, I have plans.”

“Doing what?”

“Stuff. Why?”

“Is it important? I’m bored and I’ve had a bad day.”

I exhaled, my breath crystallising in the air in front of me. “Well, it’s kind of important. I can come over for a little bit though.”

“Okay, see you in a bit.”

“Bye.” As the call ended the music faded back in. It was the Stones.

Under my thumb, she's the sweetest pet in the world …

I rolled my eyes and changed the song over. My temper started flaring as the song came to its chorus.

Oh no, don’t you touch my boyfriend. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s mine.

“Shut up, Alphabeat.” I said to myself as I turned the music off. I rode the rest of the way to Grey’s in silence.

I waved to the Porter as I walked through the Plodge of his college. “Good evening, George.”

“Hey there little Miss, haven’t seen you in awhile. You alright?”

I thought for a second. “I’ve been busy.”

“Ah, yes, well it’s that time of year innit?”

“Yeah, it’s been quite stressful.”

“That fella of yours has looked pretty tired lately as well.”

I smiled and inhaled through my teeth. “Not my fella anymore.”

“No?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in concern. “What happened then?”

“We decided just to be friends.”

His concerned look didn’t change. “Ah, I see. Well, I’m sorry love, hope you’re okay.”

“Thanks, George. See you in a little bit.”

“Sure thing, love.”

I walked through the wooden archways and into the courtyard of the college. George wasn’t the only one who gave me that look when I told them that Grey and I had decided to be just friends. “We’ve decided to be friends” was easier to say than “I’ve been dumped, but we’re still hanging out together.”

I walked up to the outside of his building and buzzed his room. “Yeah?”

“It’s me.” The lock clicked and I pushed the heavy wooden door open. I made my way up the staircase, down the hall, and to his door. The light from inside his room illuminated the frame and I stood there for a second before pushing it open.

Grey was sat at his desk, head resting in his hand as he poured over three open books, scribbling down notes in his refill pad. He turned his head towards me as I walked in. “Hey.”

“Hey, how’s it going.”

“Shit. I’ve had the worst day.” I tilted my head and nodded, but in my head I was rolling my eyes. He was too liberal with the phrase “worst day ever.” I would call that just a normal day in the life of Grey.

“What happened?”

He listed everything that had gone wrong that day, naming all the usual suspects who annoyed him in his department.

“I can’t believe she did that,” I agreed, knowing his coursemates better than I knew my own.

“Anyway, do you want to get some dinner with me?”

“I can’t, I promised Briony I’d hang out with her.”

“Blow it off.”

I frowned, “No.” I felt like adding, ‘You kind of lost any kind of monopoly over my time when you dumped me,’ but it had been a rough day so I spared him the insult.

“Come on, I’ll cook.”

“Is that suppose to convince me to stay?”

“I’m a phenomenal chef.”

“That’s questionable.”

“When have I ever cooked something inedible?”

“Uh, remember mystery food from tin cans week?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t actually make that.”

“Oh sorry, I’ll put in my formal complaint to Sainsbury’s.”

“That would be wise ... You know what else would be wise? Staying here.”

“I can’t just ditch Briony.”

“Why not?” I frowned again. “I’m kidding.”

“No you aren’t, but that’s okay. Why don’t we do dinner tomorrow?”

“Because I want to do dinner right now.”

“Don’t be such a baby.” He stuck his tongue out. “Well done on the growing up front. Look, what if I make you dinner tomorrow?”

“You can’t cook.”

“Ok, what if you make me dinner tomorrow?”

“I’m really winning in this aren’t I?”

“You gave me about ten minutes notice that you wanted to hang out! I don’t just sit around waiting for you to call me.”

“I know, I’m just giving you a hard time. Tomorrow is fine. I’ll probably just go back to the library.”

“That’s a lie, you’re going to sit home and facebook stalk me.”

He raised his eyebrows, “More like I’m going to facebook stalk hot chicks.”

“Oh, thanks. So I’m not hot?”

His face fell, “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Whatever, I’m late.”

“C’mon, I didn’t mean that you’re not hot.”

“Well I did mean that I’m late, so I’m going to go.”

“You’re mad aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Really? Because you’re doing that thing with your eyebrows that you do every time you’re angry with me.”

“I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with myself for being late.”

“Well I’m sorry for making you come over.”

Why were we guilt tripping each other? “I’m not sorry I came over, I’ll see you tomorrow. What time?”

“I don’t know yet,” Grey said, grabbing his diary. “Early or late dinner?”

“How early and how late?”

“Five or nine.”

“Nine. What are we? Sixty? Who eats dinner at five?”

“Well I don’t know, I didn’t know if you wanted to be home early or what.”

“How considerate.”

“I try.”

“Okay, now I’m extremely late. I’m leaving. I hope your day gets better.”

“Not likely.”

“Do you want a hug?”

“Okay.”

We hugged longer than appropriate for two people not sleeping with each other any more, but I didn’t care. I felt as if I were ditching him, so it was the least I could do.

As I walked through the door and said goodbye to George I realised that I wasn’t ditching Grey, in fact he had completely sidelined my plans for the evening. I was now late to see Briony and had seriously considered dropping all my plans to sit and listen to Grey recall all that was bad in the world. On top of everything, we had even managed to get in a mini-fight.

I was more than upset with myself.

I managed to make it through my night with Briony without mentioning Grey, but I thought of him the entire time. The next evening I couldn’t help but voice my concern.

“You can’t just expect me to drop everything for you.”

“Sorry?” He said, turning away from the stove and towards me.

“You heard me,” I said quietly. “I can’t be there for you every time you’re upset.” I whispered.

“What?”

“I cannot be there for you every time you have a bad day.” I said, louder.

“I don’t understand.”

“Understand this,” I began. “You are using me, and I can’t take it anymore.” I inhaled, trying to choose my words carefully. “You,” I started again, “are using me … and I can’t take it any longer … I think that you are a cheater and a liar, and I don’t want to be friends with you any more.”

A tear ran down my face, but I tried to hide it. “Okay …” he said, slightly confused. “Why are you saying this?”

“If you don’t know, then you’re an idiot.” I said, wiping away the tear defiantly.

“Is this because of-”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t call me.”  I turned and began to walk away.

Grey chased after me and got in front of me so that he could hold me back by my shoulders. “What have I done?!”

“That’s the problem! You never think that you’ve done anything wrong.” I said, as the tears streamed freely from my eyes.

He looked as if he wanted to cry as well, but before I could give him the chance I walked away.

I haven’t seen Grey since.